When Things Become Very Clear

17 September 2007
It happens again. I move to new job and I somewhat dislike this job. It’s the same old story repeated in life chapters of Agus. Nevertheless, now, it becomes very clear for me what I want to do for the rest of my life.
Early last month, I had determined that I wanted two jobs for my life. I even joined a Perkantas training about career plans and God’s calling so that I don’t make the old mistakes again. At that time, I either wanted to work for the United Nations’ UNESCO or work as a lecturer/professor. Working for UNESCO will mean I have the opportunity to shape global education. This sounds way so cool. That is why I believe taking the post at the Embassy will help me to pursue that dream. However, at the moment, it is obvious; I can’t really enjoy office hours and office life. What I always think about is my next research papers and my teaching life. No matter how luxurious the office is or how big the salary is, it’s just not meant for me. Working at UN will also mean I have to be very mobile and willing to be deployed to different posts, be flexible and work with short-term engagement most of the time. Don’t get me wrong. I still find that very cool and it is a life-long dream since I was a child. However, the roads and doors are seemingly blocked. Not because I don’t have the will, but because I realize that I am built for a different purpose. People may say, “Well, Agus, you have made another mistake in choosing your job. Didn’t you pray enough or consult the Lord enough to avoid this mistake?” The answer is both yes and no. Yes, because it was a rush decision. No, because now the Lord has made things very clear for me
Earlier today, I saw a documentary about Dietrich Bonhoeffer. If you don’t know him, you should find out about him. (Google is probably the right place to begin.) Bonhoeffer said the discipleship for the follower of Christ demands a full submission and the sure price is death. I cannot help myself from thinking like that—i.e. the price of discipleship is indeed very costly—whenever I see or hear or read about the lives of people like Bonhoeffer, Martin Luther King Jr., Toyohiko Kagawa or Teresa of Calcutta. Great disciples like them really show that the price of following Christ is never too cheap and never too easy. I wonder where do I stand? Do I decide to follow Christ in the easiest possible way—such as by working in one of the most secure places in
Jakarta
? Or do I decide to go out from my people, from the comfort of my father’s house, and surrender myself to the grace of God? (This is an English translation from the first line of a missionary song in Kidung Jemaat, Keluar dari Kaum).
Back to the topic of my chosen profession, I realize now that I want to be a lecturer and that is it. I probably will find time to write something, or translate something, or do a consultation service to others as my side jobs, but I want that my full time profession is to teach and do research. This will demand, probably, receiving an income half from my current one. This will demand, probably, giving up all the privileges of working for a diplomatic mission. This will demand, for sure, giving up an office only 5 minutes away from home—something that I always dream of. Nevertheless, I have long realized the cost of following the guidance of the Lord is never too cheap nor too expensive, never too late nor too quickly. Wherever He leads, I will follow as I always believe the Lord himself does not lead us to wrong paths.
Things are very clear now and I am very thankful to the Lord. However, I am waiting. Waiting for clear indications where I should go next, for I am not planning to make the same mistakes again by moving too quickly from one job to the next, waiting for the Lord to make things even clearer. Or, waiting for the day when I have to say enough is enough