After, Before and While

13 April 2008
This entry is written after I resigned from the Chair position at my Youth Commission, one day before my enrollment at the seminary and while having a pile of things to do.
On resigning, I feel a mix of both happiness and sadness. Happy because eventually I don’t have to be bothered with the issues of the organisation anymore. I don’t have to sit for hours in a meeting, while my thought flies outside the room. I can be more relaxed and finally do things that I have never had the chance to accomplish. Sad because for the last two years I have been a person that people depend upon and the commission have kept me busy. My entire 20-something has always been associated with the commission. I will miss the friendship and the activities. Nevertheless, I am truly thankful for the Lord’s guidance during my term in the office and for the people that have been working together in the ministry.
On commencing theological studies, I have a billion doubts in my heart. Will I finish this study? Can I manage my time? Is it really the right thing to do? Am I fulfilling my oath that I made years ago to study theology when I have a steady job? Is this the right seminary? What will I do when I become too tired to study? What will I do if I don’t find the study interesting? What if suddenly I get a scholarship for my PhD? But despite the questions, I strongly believe that I should make the most of my time. I should study theology because I believe I want to serve the Lord with greater capacity and this study is a sign of obedience and my preparedness to fulfill my oath rather than anything else. I will be able to say to the Lord, I obey You and I do as what I promised You.
On having a pile of things to do, well, reading this blog of mine is like reading a journal of my own reflections and belief, so it is because I am busy, confused, relieved, insecure, happy, and sad at the same time, I need to write. In the future, I will be reminded of what happens today. So, to list a bit of my pile of things: designing a PhD research proposal, coming up with a draft for my referee, writing a paper for KOLITA 6 (my paper is accepted), arranging a final report for Easter celebration, typing the PIK book, contemplating on translating a 500 page document and reading more books. Gosh!
This week also, I was contemplating on moving to Penabur. Either as the vice-principal of its International School or the Head of Education. But my sister asked me a very pivotal question, "WIll you enjoy more administrative work?" Well, the answer is clearly, "No." Yeah, I think I will still enjoy teaching at tertiary level and I always dream to be a professor anyway, not a school administrator. So, it’s all settled. Should I quit from the Embassy, I will return teaching.
My favourite verse for this week is: "The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made." (Psalm 145:8-9). According to Dr. Rebbecca Young, this verse summarizes what Calvin believes about God’s character and this verse is the perfect summary of what we Christians can know about God. Have I any reason to doubt Him? Probably, I am already predestined to study theology, as Rev Dr J S Aritonang told us.