Yesterday Vuji came up with a question, "What if after taking so much time to minister to other people and to live a life of integrity and believing in the saviour, we still find that our life is empty?" I guess that's the feeling of many people. They have believed in the saving power of God, have become committed members of the church and have lived such virtuous lives. But deep down in their hearts, there is still something missing. What went wrong?
I tried to give some practical suggestions to Vuji, ranging from getting busy with activities, setting up short-term and long-term goals, even getting married. However, those are , somehow, only a diversion. The emptiness is still there.
I promised him that I will try to find out what went wrong and what can be fixed and I will start with interviewing some people at different stages of life.
He also asked one important question. What does it mean when Jesus said, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full"? I was silenced as I also do not really know what it means. Therefore, at my spare time, if any could be found, this week, I will try to answer these questions.
So are you living a full life or an empty life?
Rabu, 23 September 2009
Selasa, 18 Agustus 2009
After being absent for half a year
I haven't written anything on my blog for more than half a year. The last entry seems so sad and blue. Well, now I'm not so desperate and lost, but still lost and desperate.
Life has gone to a different direction since January. Now, having been at UNESCO for nearly four months, I have decided not to pursue further career in these international organizations. After having a stint of struggle on the pastoral calling, I have also decided not to be a full-time minister. Looking back at my entries since 2006, I cannot keep myself away from a sense of wonder at how things have changed since then and how things remain the same up to now.
I notice even more at how I have aged and grown in maturity in looking at the same matters with different perspectives.
I still enjoy my seminary and I am grateful for the opportunity to study there and I am still very keen on pursuing my PhD. But if the good Lord opens a different gate, I want to go there as well.
Life has gone to a different direction since January. Now, having been at UNESCO for nearly four months, I have decided not to pursue further career in these international organizations. After having a stint of struggle on the pastoral calling, I have also decided not to be a full-time minister. Looking back at my entries since 2006, I cannot keep myself away from a sense of wonder at how things have changed since then and how things remain the same up to now.
I notice even more at how I have aged and grown in maturity in looking at the same matters with different perspectives.
I still enjoy my seminary and I am grateful for the opportunity to study there and I am still very keen on pursuing my PhD. But if the good Lord opens a different gate, I want to go there as well.
Lost and Desperate
3 January 2009
What if you feel that you are a failure rather than a success? That’s exactly my state of mind at the end of 2008.
Earlier this year, I felt I have accomplished quite a lot. I have had my articles published by the Jakarta Post. I have had an article published in an academic journal. I delivered a presentation for a scientific conference. I managed to keep my promise to myself to keep my job for at least a year and I have been able to withstand the stress of juggling between my studies and my work. I have a perfect GPA for my first trimester at the Seminary. I managed to get a one point increase in my pay point grade. I felt happy about my cell-group, and having compared it with the other cell-group in the church, I was pretty sure I had a really nice cell-group with more variety of delivery methods. I felt I was already a very senior person at LBI, having been teaching for five years and knowing everything one needs to know about teaching IELTS and TOEFL and acquired respect from my students and colleagues, as well. I was very happy that finally the MOU between Indonesia and Australia in Education and Training was signed by the ministers and that was a hallmark in my career. I was very happy to be in Sydney and Canberra last month and meeting important people in the politics and education, but also a couple of valuable friends from my past. I had two books published this year as well and had translated in whole or in parts five books this year.
But towards the end of the year, I felt I was more of a failure than a success. I have managed to accomplish those things in my professional life, but have failed in major events for my own personal life. Ryan, a good friend from UI years, was probably correct when he said that my life had eventually fallen to the worship of Mamon and how would I know later that one would love me because of what I have rather than who I am. Probably Ryan put the right priorities all along, while I was mocking his lack of enthusiasm for achieving greater heights and better career all the time. While I was busy hopping from one job to another and from one country to another, Ryan was faithfully executing his job as a translator with meagre salary before eventually passing the sworn translator exam and being promoted to the rank of coordinator in the same office, which he has served since 2003. While I was trying not to be attached to anyone and avoiding commitments, Ryan was dating this same girl since 2003 and learned what it meant to have solid commitments not just professionally but personally also. What if I had followed Ryan’s footsteps instead of my ambitions? Gee, I don’t know.
Ah, doesn’t that remind you of Robert Frost’s poem, The Road Not Taken. Now I cannot conclude toghether with Frost yet, that the small road one chooses although a quiet one was actually more rewarding than the big road that everyone else chooses. I still don’t know whether the road I have taken will be a good one yet. At this point, I believe I am not in a very cheerful disposition when talking about my life and its future direction. I’m officially in the state of analysis paralysis. I don’t really know what to do next and what kind of job should I hunt for next. That’s a bit sad considering the fact I was so full of ideas earlier this year about where my life will be going. Now, seemingly I am lost amidst all of my ideas.
When one is lost, the best thing to do is to find a map or a guide. At this Christmas season, I hope the gifts for me will be a map and a guide.
On a lighter note, actually, there is no lighter note. I have had a terrible Sunday as a liturgist. One of my own personal worst performance as a liturgist. I couldn’t believe how bad I was. I didn’t even have the courage to look at the people. Probably, the time has come to pass on the baton to someone younger.
I have also lost the joy of shopping as well. After getting rid about a dozen of my old clothes due to the arrival of four pieces of new clotes that I recently bought, I just realized that I have been such a big spender for useless things. I should learn to be more stringent on my budget. Well, actually if you know the measures I take to save my money, you will wonder what else could I possibly save. I am also feeling very bored; just couldn’t muster the will to do my papers or my translation project. Well, I’d better stop writing; otherwise I will make all of you desperate as well.
What if you feel that you are a failure rather than a success? That’s exactly my state of mind at the end of 2008.
Earlier this year, I felt I have accomplished quite a lot. I have had my articles published by the Jakarta Post. I have had an article published in an academic journal. I delivered a presentation for a scientific conference. I managed to keep my promise to myself to keep my job for at least a year and I have been able to withstand the stress of juggling between my studies and my work. I have a perfect GPA for my first trimester at the Seminary. I managed to get a one point increase in my pay point grade. I felt happy about my cell-group, and having compared it with the other cell-group in the church, I was pretty sure I had a really nice cell-group with more variety of delivery methods. I felt I was already a very senior person at LBI, having been teaching for five years and knowing everything one needs to know about teaching IELTS and TOEFL and acquired respect from my students and colleagues, as well. I was very happy that finally the MOU between Indonesia and Australia in Education and Training was signed by the ministers and that was a hallmark in my career. I was very happy to be in Sydney and Canberra last month and meeting important people in the politics and education, but also a couple of valuable friends from my past. I had two books published this year as well and had translated in whole or in parts five books this year.
But towards the end of the year, I felt I was more of a failure than a success. I have managed to accomplish those things in my professional life, but have failed in major events for my own personal life. Ryan, a good friend from UI years, was probably correct when he said that my life had eventually fallen to the worship of Mamon and how would I know later that one would love me because of what I have rather than who I am. Probably Ryan put the right priorities all along, while I was mocking his lack of enthusiasm for achieving greater heights and better career all the time. While I was busy hopping from one job to another and from one country to another, Ryan was faithfully executing his job as a translator with meagre salary before eventually passing the sworn translator exam and being promoted to the rank of coordinator in the same office, which he has served since 2003. While I was trying not to be attached to anyone and avoiding commitments, Ryan was dating this same girl since 2003 and learned what it meant to have solid commitments not just professionally but personally also. What if I had followed Ryan’s footsteps instead of my ambitions? Gee, I don’t know.
Ah, doesn’t that remind you of Robert Frost’s poem, The Road Not Taken. Now I cannot conclude toghether with Frost yet, that the small road one chooses although a quiet one was actually more rewarding than the big road that everyone else chooses. I still don’t know whether the road I have taken will be a good one yet. At this point, I believe I am not in a very cheerful disposition when talking about my life and its future direction. I’m officially in the state of analysis paralysis. I don’t really know what to do next and what kind of job should I hunt for next. That’s a bit sad considering the fact I was so full of ideas earlier this year about where my life will be going. Now, seemingly I am lost amidst all of my ideas.
When one is lost, the best thing to do is to find a map or a guide. At this Christmas season, I hope the gifts for me will be a map and a guide.
On a lighter note, actually, there is no lighter note. I have had a terrible Sunday as a liturgist. One of my own personal worst performance as a liturgist. I couldn’t believe how bad I was. I didn’t even have the courage to look at the people. Probably, the time has come to pass on the baton to someone younger.
I have also lost the joy of shopping as well. After getting rid about a dozen of my old clothes due to the arrival of four pieces of new clotes that I recently bought, I just realized that I have been such a big spender for useless things. I should learn to be more stringent on my budget. Well, actually if you know the measures I take to save my money, you will wonder what else could I possibly save. I am also feeling very bored; just couldn’t muster the will to do my papers or my translation project. Well, I’d better stop writing; otherwise I will make all of you desperate as well.
On the way home from Canberra
21 November 2008
O Canberra, that lonely town between the hills!
Strangely, this is the only city in Australia that I visited three times. The first one was just a short stop-over from my way back from the Snowy Mountains to Sydney. The second one was a special trip to have a look around the famous Floriade, when the city is full of tulips. The third one was just two weeks ago, for an official trip with the ministerial delegation. I just noticed as well that in my Friendster, there are actually more pictures of Canberra than Sydney. This is indeed strange, particularly that I don’t love the city at all. I hate that ‘only lighted cemetary in the world’ as one magazine puts it. It’s so quite and so far away from all the interesting places in Australia.
I cherish the opportunity of meeting Henry back on Willis Street and meeting Katrin and Lia on that Vietnamese Restaurant on Anzac Parade. It’s good to meet people from your past and see where they are at now. Had a fantastic time during my evenings in Canberra due to Milda. Funny that we never met in Jakarta despite teaching at the same University, but I always meet her in Australia. Unfortunately, I cannot say the same thing about my afternoons and mornings in Canberra.
My way home from Canberra to Jakarta took 18 hours of my time. It started at 9.25 in Canberra International Airport (I do wonder how can an airport that does not have a direct flight to international destinations be called an international airport and considering the fact that terminal Blok M is bigger than the Airport building). Two hours later I was in Brisbane Domestic Airport. I just realised that there are two airports in Brisbane. So I rushed to the International Airport and ended up being the first person to queue for the QF 51 flight to Singapore. Eight hours later, I was rushing through terminal 1 in Changi, trying to find gate 20 in terminal 2, and ended up as one of the first ones there. These prove that I am always on time. Hahahaha. Then I had a lovely flight back home with Singapore Airlines. After taking Qantas for the last 4 flights, flying Singapore Airlinies is like showing up in heaven.
The hours spent on flying gave time to reflect and contemplate. I suppose I have had enough of this chapter of my life dealing with the delicacies of bilateral relations. I am keen to find other opportunities and probably be very happy to return to lecturing. Seemingly, I have always been in the right place without realising that it’s actually the right place. (I am talking about lecturing here).
About life in general? Not very happy, but still can be thankful.
About failing to get the scholarship? Now not the right time probably. Someday in God’s perfect timing, I’ll get it. See, I have a faith in God that withstood failures and disappointments. (Nothing to boast though. I don’t have enough failures and disappointments as those in the Bible and do really hope that I don’t have to face their failures and disappointments). Edi told me that it is good that I failed winning the scholarship. That gives me a lesson about failures, not just successes. Well, believe me, Edi, I had my shares of failures as well before this one.
About seminary? Thank goodness, the second trimester has ended. I couldn’t manage my time due to excessive travelling. Had a lovely time, though, with Romo Mardi, Rev Hakh and Rev Hamakonda. I now have so many goals for the church and my ministry. Just pray that I’ll have the time and energy to pursue them.
About books? Had enough, had enough of translating. So glad that my translation on Missiology will be launched formally tomorrow. Sad that I couldn’t make it due to my teaching commitments in LBI. I should give up teaching on Saturdays strating next semester.
About driving? Not so much progress. I have to spend more time driving.
About God? The Lord is my breastplate and sword for the fight. Naught be all else to me save that Thou Art.
O Canberra, that lonely town between the hills!
Strangely, this is the only city in Australia that I visited three times. The first one was just a short stop-over from my way back from the Snowy Mountains to Sydney. The second one was a special trip to have a look around the famous Floriade, when the city is full of tulips. The third one was just two weeks ago, for an official trip with the ministerial delegation. I just noticed as well that in my Friendster, there are actually more pictures of Canberra than Sydney. This is indeed strange, particularly that I don’t love the city at all. I hate that ‘only lighted cemetary in the world’ as one magazine puts it. It’s so quite and so far away from all the interesting places in Australia.
I cherish the opportunity of meeting Henry back on Willis Street and meeting Katrin and Lia on that Vietnamese Restaurant on Anzac Parade. It’s good to meet people from your past and see where they are at now. Had a fantastic time during my evenings in Canberra due to Milda. Funny that we never met in Jakarta despite teaching at the same University, but I always meet her in Australia. Unfortunately, I cannot say the same thing about my afternoons and mornings in Canberra.
My way home from Canberra to Jakarta took 18 hours of my time. It started at 9.25 in Canberra International Airport (I do wonder how can an airport that does not have a direct flight to international destinations be called an international airport and considering the fact that terminal Blok M is bigger than the Airport building). Two hours later I was in Brisbane Domestic Airport. I just realised that there are two airports in Brisbane. So I rushed to the International Airport and ended up being the first person to queue for the QF 51 flight to Singapore. Eight hours later, I was rushing through terminal 1 in Changi, trying to find gate 20 in terminal 2, and ended up as one of the first ones there. These prove that I am always on time. Hahahaha. Then I had a lovely flight back home with Singapore Airlines. After taking Qantas for the last 4 flights, flying Singapore Airlinies is like showing up in heaven.
The hours spent on flying gave time to reflect and contemplate. I suppose I have had enough of this chapter of my life dealing with the delicacies of bilateral relations. I am keen to find other opportunities and probably be very happy to return to lecturing. Seemingly, I have always been in the right place without realising that it’s actually the right place. (I am talking about lecturing here).
About life in general? Not very happy, but still can be thankful.
About failing to get the scholarship? Now not the right time probably. Someday in God’s perfect timing, I’ll get it. See, I have a faith in God that withstood failures and disappointments. (Nothing to boast though. I don’t have enough failures and disappointments as those in the Bible and do really hope that I don’t have to face their failures and disappointments). Edi told me that it is good that I failed winning the scholarship. That gives me a lesson about failures, not just successes. Well, believe me, Edi, I had my shares of failures as well before this one.
About seminary? Thank goodness, the second trimester has ended. I couldn’t manage my time due to excessive travelling. Had a lovely time, though, with Romo Mardi, Rev Hakh and Rev Hamakonda. I now have so many goals for the church and my ministry. Just pray that I’ll have the time and energy to pursue them.
About books? Had enough, had enough of translating. So glad that my translation on Missiology will be launched formally tomorrow. Sad that I couldn’t make it due to my teaching commitments in LBI. I should give up teaching on Saturdays strating next semester.
About driving? Not so much progress. I have to spend more time driving.
About God? The Lord is my breastplate and sword for the fight. Naught be all else to me save that Thou Art.
Nine years on
17 September 2008
I have had my driving license for nine years. Miserably, I still have problems driving my car. I could buy the car, but I can’t really drive it. Well, not that I cannot drive it, I just can’t park it :D. That is even more hilarious probably.
I have noticed that in my entire history, I have been avoiding challenges about my skills. For instance, since I felt I was not really good in riding a bicycle, I decided not to ride a bicycle at all. There was nothing to lose. There were people that I could rely on to take me to different far-away places. When I felt swimming was difficult, I stopped swimming altogether. Finally, since math caused so much stress, I decided to study literature. I have been trying to protect my self esteem by avoiding difficult things that will make me look ridiculous in front of other people. This pattern of behavior has done me bad than good.
If you learn the Goal Setting Theory from Locke and Latham, you know that what I have been doing is called lowering the expectation. I decided to lower my expectation and eventually avoiding the goal at all. I seriously think I cannot do this any longer. Having forced myself to live alone in Sydney and doing all sorts of things as an individual, I suppose forcing myself to learn to drive and park a car is just a piece of cake. Well, the reality seemingly says the opposite.
Now I languish on forcing myself to drive the car as it is totally ridiculous to have a car but not to drive it. But this harsh act on my self-confidence and self-image, I believe is good for myself. Moreover, I must set a goal to achieve. I must say to myself by early next year, I will be able to drive on my own. We’ll think about the parking for the mid of next year. But this is a necessary goal. If I don’t have any specific goal, I will not be able to achieve anything, based on Goal Setting Theory.
So, I’ll risk embarrassment and ridicule. That’s fine, as long as eventually I can achieve this goal. That is another commitment.
Other than that, life has come to a long plateau. This is a blessing rather than a curse. Well, that’s at least how I want to and should view it. There are small achievements here and there–reasons to be thankful all the time. There is a great sense of achievement about what I have been doing in the church, i.e. my KTB cell group. “The Lord is good and His mercy endures forever.”
I have had my driving license for nine years. Miserably, I still have problems driving my car. I could buy the car, but I can’t really drive it. Well, not that I cannot drive it, I just can’t park it :D. That is even more hilarious probably.
I have noticed that in my entire history, I have been avoiding challenges about my skills. For instance, since I felt I was not really good in riding a bicycle, I decided not to ride a bicycle at all. There was nothing to lose. There were people that I could rely on to take me to different far-away places. When I felt swimming was difficult, I stopped swimming altogether. Finally, since math caused so much stress, I decided to study literature. I have been trying to protect my self esteem by avoiding difficult things that will make me look ridiculous in front of other people. This pattern of behavior has done me bad than good.
If you learn the Goal Setting Theory from Locke and Latham, you know that what I have been doing is called lowering the expectation. I decided to lower my expectation and eventually avoiding the goal at all. I seriously think I cannot do this any longer. Having forced myself to live alone in Sydney and doing all sorts of things as an individual, I suppose forcing myself to learn to drive and park a car is just a piece of cake. Well, the reality seemingly says the opposite.
Now I languish on forcing myself to drive the car as it is totally ridiculous to have a car but not to drive it. But this harsh act on my self-confidence and self-image, I believe is good for myself. Moreover, I must set a goal to achieve. I must say to myself by early next year, I will be able to drive on my own. We’ll think about the parking for the mid of next year. But this is a necessary goal. If I don’t have any specific goal, I will not be able to achieve anything, based on Goal Setting Theory.
So, I’ll risk embarrassment and ridicule. That’s fine, as long as eventually I can achieve this goal. That is another commitment.
Other than that, life has come to a long plateau. This is a blessing rather than a curse. Well, that’s at least how I want to and should view it. There are small achievements here and there–reasons to be thankful all the time. There is a great sense of achievement about what I have been doing in the church, i.e. my KTB cell group. “The Lord is good and His mercy endures forever.”
After all the troubles
1 August 2008
Now, I am loaded with a billion things to do, yet I decide to write a blog entry. That’s a typical Agus.
After the excitement of getting my first article published by a newspaper, when the second one is published, the excitement seemingly has evaporated. The same applies, I think, after getting my first translation published or my first presentation for an academic conference. The joy of doing those things has gone. Nevertheless, we know that all those things are not done for the sake of joy alone. We do those things because they are our legacy and for me, my small steps of acquiring a professorship. That seems like a million steps away from where I am standing now. Nevertheless, please have a look at the article through this link:
After nearly one year at the Embassy (next month marks my one year tenure at the Embassy), I am actually quite bored with what I have to do daily. Of course, the biggest joy of working there is the increasing salary! But probably, I will need to browse around and look for other great opportunities with greater income.
Speaking about opportunities, I just declined an offer to teach for Binus. The Head of the Department herself contacted me and offered me a position. But after all the trouble of visiting the campus and sitting for the test, I just lost interest in teaching there. The chemistry wasn’t there. Hahahaha.
However, another opportunity arises. Suddenly, Prof Pillay from QUT offered me to be his partner in a research he is going to conduct here in Indonesia. We are currently preparing a proposal for AusAID funding. Now, this is something really new. I’ve never done it in my entire lifetime. I do hope that everything will be fine and we will be able to secure the funding. About doing the actual research, well, we don’t need to worry now. That’s for the future worry.
I have been enjoying about a month and a half of not coming to the seminary. It’s relaxing actually. I hope next trimester will be lighter than the first one. I also hope that my teaching schedule at UI can be reduced by half. I am looking forward for more relaxing time to enjoy in my late 20s. Although that might not happen as I am translating this awesome book by Bill Hybels. It’s so awesome that I can’t really translate it well. Oh, goodness.
Finally, I have one note about a trip to Bandung. After that crappy Bandung trip, at least I learned something about self-fulfilling prophecy theory at the TVET congress. The theory postulates that whatever we believe in ourselves or in other people, that thing—bad or good—will come true. Now that seems a bitfar-fetched for many, but actually there are more than 300 studies in the States that support that theory. So, I now must believe that I will succeed and not fail—I will have what I want. Well, that is not probably going to happen if God is as good as He claims, as Rev. Elisabeth Hasikin said last Sunday, “It’s not what we want that should happen. It’s what God wants that should happen.” So rather than a self-fulfilling prophecy theory, we probably need a God-fulfillingprophecy theory. Well, that’s not a theory actually since God’s prophecy willalways materialize, right? Hopefully, He has designed something splendid for me.
Now, I am loaded with a billion things to do, yet I decide to write a blog entry. That’s a typical Agus.
After the excitement of getting my first article published by a newspaper, when the second one is published, the excitement seemingly has evaporated. The same applies, I think, after getting my first translation published or my first presentation for an academic conference. The joy of doing those things has gone. Nevertheless, we know that all those things are not done for the sake of joy alone. We do those things because they are our legacy and for me, my small steps of acquiring a professorship. That seems like a million steps away from where I am standing now. Nevertheless, please have a look at the article through this link:
After nearly one year at the Embassy (next month marks my one year tenure at the Embassy), I am actually quite bored with what I have to do daily. Of course, the biggest joy of working there is the increasing salary! But probably, I will need to browse around and look for other great opportunities with greater income.
Speaking about opportunities, I just declined an offer to teach for Binus. The Head of the Department herself contacted me and offered me a position. But after all the trouble of visiting the campus and sitting for the test, I just lost interest in teaching there. The chemistry wasn’t there. Hahahaha.
However, another opportunity arises. Suddenly, Prof Pillay from QUT offered me to be his partner in a research he is going to conduct here in Indonesia. We are currently preparing a proposal for AusAID funding. Now, this is something really new. I’ve never done it in my entire lifetime. I do hope that everything will be fine and we will be able to secure the funding. About doing the actual research, well, we don’t need to worry now. That’s for the future worry.
I have been enjoying about a month and a half of not coming to the seminary. It’s relaxing actually. I hope next trimester will be lighter than the first one. I also hope that my teaching schedule at UI can be reduced by half. I am looking forward for more relaxing time to enjoy in my late 20s. Although that might not happen as I am translating this awesome book by Bill Hybels. It’s so awesome that I can’t really translate it well. Oh, goodness.
Finally, I have one note about a trip to Bandung. After that crappy Bandung trip, at least I learned something about self-fulfilling prophecy theory at the TVET congress. The theory postulates that whatever we believe in ourselves or in other people, that thing—bad or good—will come true. Now that seems a bitfar-fetched for many, but actually there are more than 300 studies in the States that support that theory. So, I now must believe that I will succeed and not fail—I will have what I want. Well, that is not probably going to happen if God is as good as He claims, as Rev. Elisabeth Hasikin said last Sunday, “It’s not what we want that should happen. It’s what God wants that should happen.” So rather than a self-fulfilling prophecy theory, we probably need a God-fulfillingprophecy theory. Well, that’s not a theory actually since God’s prophecy willalways materialize, right? Hopefully, He has designed something splendid for me.
O Czech, O Spain
21 June 2008
Having been troubled for the last two weeks, I think I finally made up my mind. I will turn down the generous scholarship offer to pursue another master degree in the Czech Republic and the Kingdom of Spain. Instead, I will pursue the not-so-certain possibility of pursuing my PhD in Australia again.Will I regret this? I haven’t had anything to regret so far, and I believe, anyway and anyhow, the Lord himself will be my consolation in the years to come.Not long ago, I read a sermon by the Rev. Stanley Tjahjadi when he was ordained as a minister at GKIN. He said, let us not ask, "What if?" Such questions will have no answer and will only lead us to more questions. Rather, be thankful for what we have had so far. He also made a reference to Moses, when he was shepherding his flock in the middle of the dessert and saw the burning bush. Moses could have ignored the burning bush and just did things regularly. Instead, Moses took that irregular action of finding out more about the bush and there he met the Lord himself. Had he not taken that irregular action, the Israelites might have not been set free from Egypt as quickly as it was recorded in Exodus.I felt somehow, the offer to go to Czech and Spain was that call for me to do something irregular, to move out from my comfort zone. Nevertheless, I think when I am resolved to turn down the offer, I should not be intrigued to ask, "What if" and be bitter if someday my life does not turn the way I have planned it previously. That’s a decision and a resolution.
Having been troubled for the last two weeks, I think I finally made up my mind. I will turn down the generous scholarship offer to pursue another master degree in the Czech Republic and the Kingdom of Spain. Instead, I will pursue the not-so-certain possibility of pursuing my PhD in Australia again.Will I regret this? I haven’t had anything to regret so far, and I believe, anyway and anyhow, the Lord himself will be my consolation in the years to come.Not long ago, I read a sermon by the Rev. Stanley Tjahjadi when he was ordained as a minister at GKIN. He said, let us not ask, "What if?" Such questions will have no answer and will only lead us to more questions. Rather, be thankful for what we have had so far. He also made a reference to Moses, when he was shepherding his flock in the middle of the dessert and saw the burning bush. Moses could have ignored the burning bush and just did things regularly. Instead, Moses took that irregular action of finding out more about the bush and there he met the Lord himself. Had he not taken that irregular action, the Israelites might have not been set free from Egypt as quickly as it was recorded in Exodus.I felt somehow, the offer to go to Czech and Spain was that call for me to do something irregular, to move out from my comfort zone. Nevertheless, I think when I am resolved to turn down the offer, I should not be intrigued to ask, "What if" and be bitter if someday my life does not turn the way I have planned it previously. That’s a decision and a resolution.
Not bad at all
5 June 2008
I got my IELTS results. Two perfect nines for reading and listening, no mistake whatsoever in the reading and listening sections. Well, that’s not the first time. My writing and speaking? Could be better. But still OK. The overall score is still 8, not bad at all. I did my presentations at Atma Jaya. This time, I got plenty of questions. That’s not good actually, because I presented my paper purely for getting the credit points, not for sharing any research finding. I am a low class academic, not those professional ones who love research above anything else and dream to present paper on academic forums. Nevertheless, I got more attention for my presentation than my first one last year, not bad at all.I have one paper under review, well actually, I have done my revision, for Penabur Education Journal. If it is accepted, this will be my first ever article in a scholarly journal, although not a very prestigious one. But that will do for a first time, not bad.One thing that worries me is now probably the strangely quiet response from UWA and UoW. They haven’t notified me about the result of my PhD applications. Well, but I know for sure that my applications have been accepted and the universities are now in the process of judging the quality of my application. I’ll just leave that with the One who takes care of everything. He knows the best.On the seminary? Rather so-so. Sometimes, I feel I could do more academic challenges than what I have now. But, I suppose, I just need the diploma. On quitting from the chair of the youth ministry? Absolutely a pleasure. I have a great time. I can pursue other things rather than just attending meetings and listening to complaints. On teaching? I might do with longer breaks. It’s quite fun not teaching for some time. On Bali? It’s nice to be back in Bali, although I should say that five star hotel where I was staying was not excellent. People, don’t stay there! But I love the beaches of Seminyak and Jimbaran. I also appreciate the opportunity to catch up with Men, an old time college friend who is now a permanent resident of Kuta. Our ways have gone to separate directions. However, people in all walks of life dream of the same thing–to get something better and that might mean moving on with life in a different place and a different country.On faith? "The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made." That’s still my favorite quote from the Bible. That still is the cornerstone of my faith. With that faith, I can go forth.
I got my IELTS results. Two perfect nines for reading and listening, no mistake whatsoever in the reading and listening sections. Well, that’s not the first time. My writing and speaking? Could be better. But still OK. The overall score is still 8, not bad at all. I did my presentations at Atma Jaya. This time, I got plenty of questions. That’s not good actually, because I presented my paper purely for getting the credit points, not for sharing any research finding. I am a low class academic, not those professional ones who love research above anything else and dream to present paper on academic forums. Nevertheless, I got more attention for my presentation than my first one last year, not bad at all.I have one paper under review, well actually, I have done my revision, for Penabur Education Journal. If it is accepted, this will be my first ever article in a scholarly journal, although not a very prestigious one. But that will do for a first time, not bad.One thing that worries me is now probably the strangely quiet response from UWA and UoW. They haven’t notified me about the result of my PhD applications. Well, but I know for sure that my applications have been accepted and the universities are now in the process of judging the quality of my application. I’ll just leave that with the One who takes care of everything. He knows the best.On the seminary? Rather so-so. Sometimes, I feel I could do more academic challenges than what I have now. But, I suppose, I just need the diploma. On quitting from the chair of the youth ministry? Absolutely a pleasure. I have a great time. I can pursue other things rather than just attending meetings and listening to complaints. On teaching? I might do with longer breaks. It’s quite fun not teaching for some time. On Bali? It’s nice to be back in Bali, although I should say that five star hotel where I was staying was not excellent. People, don’t stay there! But I love the beaches of Seminyak and Jimbaran. I also appreciate the opportunity to catch up with Men, an old time college friend who is now a permanent resident of Kuta. Our ways have gone to separate directions. However, people in all walks of life dream of the same thing–to get something better and that might mean moving on with life in a different place and a different country.On faith? "The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made." That’s still my favorite quote from the Bible. That still is the cornerstone of my faith. With that faith, I can go forth.
Two books, two tests, a paper, a summary
10 May 2008
Now, it’s almost midnight. I have a million of things to do. But as usual, I want to write something. I am celebrating the fact that I have a book published already. Gloria finally printed my translation of 3:16, the Numbers of Hope. I am not the sole translator for the book, but it is worth celebrating. I have my name on a book! A second book is coming. This time, I am the sole translator. After waiting for 3 years, finally the book is in the final stages of editing and will be printed next month. So, I’ll be waiting for that OMF publication.I have two tests. Well, one has already passed actually. Finally, I took an IELTS test again. Not bad, but not great. I could assess my own score since I have been teaching and marking IELTS at PPB for a very long time. The score will not be great, I suppose, but sufficient to enter a university. And, boy, the waiting for the speaking test took three hours. Hopefully, I don’t have to sit for IELTS ever again. On Tuesday, I’ll have a pastoral theology test. Frankly, I haven’t learned and probably will not have time to learn.My paper about the four belalang at the Book of Joel has been accepted by Atma Jaya. Next Monday is the presentation time. I have not been able to write the presentation up to now. Tomorrow has to be the date for the writing.My summary, which is very long, is also due next Monday. It’s a very torturing exercise for me. I can’t believe to obtain a master degree, we still need to write summaries and not literature review. What a difference of studying overseas and studying in Indonesia. Finally, after my second visit to Jayapura, Indonesia is still a very beautiful country. The green islands, blue seas, and white sandy beaches still capture my heart in awe. It’s a pity that such a rich country should languish in poverty. It is true then, I think, our task as a church is not only to satisfy people’s hunger for heavenly bread, but also the actual people’s hunger for earthly bread. That’s why our theology should be fitted with our own context in Indonesia and should not just be simple imports from the West. Well, my first steps of being an ecumenical-mainstream-Indonesian theologian, I suppose.
Now, it’s almost midnight. I have a million of things to do. But as usual, I want to write something. I am celebrating the fact that I have a book published already. Gloria finally printed my translation of 3:16, the Numbers of Hope. I am not the sole translator for the book, but it is worth celebrating. I have my name on a book! A second book is coming. This time, I am the sole translator. After waiting for 3 years, finally the book is in the final stages of editing and will be printed next month. So, I’ll be waiting for that OMF publication.I have two tests. Well, one has already passed actually. Finally, I took an IELTS test again. Not bad, but not great. I could assess my own score since I have been teaching and marking IELTS at PPB for a very long time. The score will not be great, I suppose, but sufficient to enter a university. And, boy, the waiting for the speaking test took three hours. Hopefully, I don’t have to sit for IELTS ever again. On Tuesday, I’ll have a pastoral theology test. Frankly, I haven’t learned and probably will not have time to learn.My paper about the four belalang at the Book of Joel has been accepted by Atma Jaya. Next Monday is the presentation time. I have not been able to write the presentation up to now. Tomorrow has to be the date for the writing.My summary, which is very long, is also due next Monday. It’s a very torturing exercise for me. I can’t believe to obtain a master degree, we still need to write summaries and not literature review. What a difference of studying overseas and studying in Indonesia. Finally, after my second visit to Jayapura, Indonesia is still a very beautiful country. The green islands, blue seas, and white sandy beaches still capture my heart in awe. It’s a pity that such a rich country should languish in poverty. It is true then, I think, our task as a church is not only to satisfy people’s hunger for heavenly bread, but also the actual people’s hunger for earthly bread. That’s why our theology should be fitted with our own context in Indonesia and should not just be simple imports from the West. Well, my first steps of being an ecumenical-mainstream-Indonesian theologian, I suppose.
After, Before and While
13 April 2008
This entry is written after I resigned from the Chair position at my Youth Commission, one day before my enrollment at the seminary and while having a pile of things to do.
On resigning, I feel a mix of both happiness and sadness. Happy because eventually I don’t have to be bothered with the issues of the organisation anymore. I don’t have to sit for hours in a meeting, while my thought flies outside the room. I can be more relaxed and finally do things that I have never had the chance to accomplish. Sad because for the last two years I have been a person that people depend upon and the commission have kept me busy. My entire 20-something has always been associated with the commission. I will miss the friendship and the activities. Nevertheless, I am truly thankful for the Lord’s guidance during my term in the office and for the people that have been working together in the ministry.
On commencing theological studies, I have a billion doubts in my heart. Will I finish this study? Can I manage my time? Is it really the right thing to do? Am I fulfilling my oath that I made years ago to study theology when I have a steady job? Is this the right seminary? What will I do when I become too tired to study? What will I do if I don’t find the study interesting? What if suddenly I get a scholarship for my PhD? But despite the questions, I strongly believe that I should make the most of my time. I should study theology because I believe I want to serve the Lord with greater capacity and this study is a sign of obedience and my preparedness to fulfill my oath rather than anything else. I will be able to say to the Lord, I obey You and I do as what I promised You.
On having a pile of things to do, well, reading this blog of mine is like reading a journal of my own reflections and belief, so it is because I am busy, confused, relieved, insecure, happy, and sad at the same time, I need to write. In the future, I will be reminded of what happens today. So, to list a bit of my pile of things: designing a PhD research proposal, coming up with a draft for my referee, writing a paper for KOLITA 6 (my paper is accepted), arranging a final report for Easter celebration, typing the PIK book, contemplating on translating a 500 page document and reading more books. Gosh!
This week also, I was contemplating on moving to Penabur. Either as the vice-principal of its International School or the Head of Education. But my sister asked me a very pivotal question, "WIll you enjoy more administrative work?" Well, the answer is clearly, "No." Yeah, I think I will still enjoy teaching at tertiary level and I always dream to be a professor anyway, not a school administrator. So, it’s all settled. Should I quit from the Embassy, I will return teaching.
My favourite verse for this week is: "The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made." (Psalm 145:8-9). According to Dr. Rebbecca Young, this verse summarizes what Calvin believes about God’s character and this verse is the perfect summary of what we Christians can know about God. Have I any reason to doubt Him? Probably, I am already predestined to study theology, as Rev Dr J S Aritonang told us.
This entry is written after I resigned from the Chair position at my Youth Commission, one day before my enrollment at the seminary and while having a pile of things to do.
On resigning, I feel a mix of both happiness and sadness. Happy because eventually I don’t have to be bothered with the issues of the organisation anymore. I don’t have to sit for hours in a meeting, while my thought flies outside the room. I can be more relaxed and finally do things that I have never had the chance to accomplish. Sad because for the last two years I have been a person that people depend upon and the commission have kept me busy. My entire 20-something has always been associated with the commission. I will miss the friendship and the activities. Nevertheless, I am truly thankful for the Lord’s guidance during my term in the office and for the people that have been working together in the ministry.
On commencing theological studies, I have a billion doubts in my heart. Will I finish this study? Can I manage my time? Is it really the right thing to do? Am I fulfilling my oath that I made years ago to study theology when I have a steady job? Is this the right seminary? What will I do when I become too tired to study? What will I do if I don’t find the study interesting? What if suddenly I get a scholarship for my PhD? But despite the questions, I strongly believe that I should make the most of my time. I should study theology because I believe I want to serve the Lord with greater capacity and this study is a sign of obedience and my preparedness to fulfill my oath rather than anything else. I will be able to say to the Lord, I obey You and I do as what I promised You.
On having a pile of things to do, well, reading this blog of mine is like reading a journal of my own reflections and belief, so it is because I am busy, confused, relieved, insecure, happy, and sad at the same time, I need to write. In the future, I will be reminded of what happens today. So, to list a bit of my pile of things: designing a PhD research proposal, coming up with a draft for my referee, writing a paper for KOLITA 6 (my paper is accepted), arranging a final report for Easter celebration, typing the PIK book, contemplating on translating a 500 page document and reading more books. Gosh!
This week also, I was contemplating on moving to Penabur. Either as the vice-principal of its International School or the Head of Education. But my sister asked me a very pivotal question, "WIll you enjoy more administrative work?" Well, the answer is clearly, "No." Yeah, I think I will still enjoy teaching at tertiary level and I always dream to be a professor anyway, not a school administrator. So, it’s all settled. Should I quit from the Embassy, I will return teaching.
My favourite verse for this week is: "The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made." (Psalm 145:8-9). According to Dr. Rebbecca Young, this verse summarizes what Calvin believes about God’s character and this verse is the perfect summary of what we Christians can know about God. Have I any reason to doubt Him? Probably, I am already predestined to study theology, as Rev Dr J S Aritonang told us.
Another happy day
10 March 2008
My first ever newspaper article was published two days ago!This is a huge achievement. I tried to write for a newspaper two years ago with failure.Last week, I tried again to write and this time, it’s successful.Please find the link: http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2008/03/07/education-not-just-about-budget.htmlI’d be happy to hear people’s comment as well for this first piece of writing.Anyway, there are always first time for everything and the joy of experiencing "first time" something is always nice.
My first ever newspaper article was published two days ago!This is a huge achievement. I tried to write for a newspaper two years ago with failure.Last week, I tried again to write and this time, it’s successful.Please find the link: http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2008/03/07/education-not-just-about-budget.htmlI’d be happy to hear people’s comment as well for this first piece of writing.Anyway, there are always first time for everything and the joy of experiencing "first time" something is always nice.
Jakarta’s Museums
26 March 2008
One of the things that I loved in Australia was visiting museums. I think museums enrich my knowledge and make me more civilised. I enjoyed tremendously visiting the Art Gallery of NSW and Victorian Art Gallery (well, they are not museums, but they do house a lot of artifacts) and I found the Museum of Sydney and National Museum of Australia in Canberra interesting. Since coming back to this City, I have not really been able to visit Jakarta’s museums. As a child, I only visited the museums in Taman Mini. I know there are more museums in Jakarta than those at Taman Mini. Moreover, I heard that Jakarta’s museums were neglected.Beginning this year, I have visited some museums. Finally, I have the time to go around and enjoy the City’s museums. Of course, everyone that I shared the story with would comment, "Why do you go to a Museum?" "Don’t you have better things to do?"Last weekend, my friends and I went to Museum Bank Mandiri, Museum Wayang and Museum Fatahilah. Thanks to the arrangement from Retno and the nice company of Astrid and Harun, I had good time in Jakarta’s Old City. I had to say that I really enjoyed visiting Museum Bank Mandiri. It’s such a nice Museum. The Museum Nasional, fondly called Museum Gajah, was also beautiful. I can’t imagine that Jakarta actually has some really interesting museums comparable to those overseas in terms of collection richness. But once you talk about the cleanliness and the management, of course, Jakarta’s Museums are in shambles. After wondering around Jakarta’s Old City, we then went to have Lo Cu Pan in Glodok. That’s amazingly delicious. I also found bakso goreng, just like the ones at Bakmi Pinangsia in Kingsford. Furthermore, after probably 10 years, I finally rode on an M 12, the mikrolet that I used to take during Junior High School years. Goodness! It was like a lifetime ago. And you know what, it was not expensive at all. The museums’ tickets are just so cheap and thanks to Busway that stops at Halimun, going places become much easier particularly during holidays that make Jakarta empty.I think our culture that centers around shopping malls should be changed. We should center our activity around more cultured buildings like museums, art galleries, and cheap eating stalls with superb food.
One of the things that I loved in Australia was visiting museums. I think museums enrich my knowledge and make me more civilised. I enjoyed tremendously visiting the Art Gallery of NSW and Victorian Art Gallery (well, they are not museums, but they do house a lot of artifacts) and I found the Museum of Sydney and National Museum of Australia in Canberra interesting. Since coming back to this City, I have not really been able to visit Jakarta’s museums. As a child, I only visited the museums in Taman Mini. I know there are more museums in Jakarta than those at Taman Mini. Moreover, I heard that Jakarta’s museums were neglected.Beginning this year, I have visited some museums. Finally, I have the time to go around and enjoy the City’s museums. Of course, everyone that I shared the story with would comment, "Why do you go to a Museum?" "Don’t you have better things to do?"Last weekend, my friends and I went to Museum Bank Mandiri, Museum Wayang and Museum Fatahilah. Thanks to the arrangement from Retno and the nice company of Astrid and Harun, I had good time in Jakarta’s Old City. I had to say that I really enjoyed visiting Museum Bank Mandiri. It’s such a nice Museum. The Museum Nasional, fondly called Museum Gajah, was also beautiful. I can’t imagine that Jakarta actually has some really interesting museums comparable to those overseas in terms of collection richness. But once you talk about the cleanliness and the management, of course, Jakarta’s Museums are in shambles. After wondering around Jakarta’s Old City, we then went to have Lo Cu Pan in Glodok. That’s amazingly delicious. I also found bakso goreng, just like the ones at Bakmi Pinangsia in Kingsford. Furthermore, after probably 10 years, I finally rode on an M 12, the mikrolet that I used to take during Junior High School years. Goodness! It was like a lifetime ago. And you know what, it was not expensive at all. The museums’ tickets are just so cheap and thanks to Busway that stops at Halimun, going places become much easier particularly during holidays that make Jakarta empty.I think our culture that centers around shopping malls should be changed. We should center our activity around more cultured buildings like museums, art galleries, and cheap eating stalls with superb food.
Upon Reading the Last Installment of Harry Potter
3 February 2008
Within last week, I was reading two books at the same time. The first one is The Lord of The Rings. I have been reading the book for over than 2 years. I began reading it in 2006 but then decided to stop in the middle since I lacked interest and I did not have enough time to read. After working in the Embassy and living in such a close proximity to my office, I had the time to read again, so in early 2008 I began reading it again. That is why it has been taking me two years to read the book and I haven’t finished yet.
The second book is Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. It took only four nights to read the book although the length of the two books is nearly the same. Definitely, Harry Potter charms me more than The Lord of the Rings.
I don’t know whether I have been getting older or something, but it was certainly difficult to remember the exact details of the previous installment of the Potter series and I got lost several times while reading the seventh volume.
There are some parts of the plot that make me ponder. The first one is the striking resemblance of Mr. Potter and Christ. I don’t know what you think, but I certainly see a strong similarity in the way both died and defeated death. How could Ms Rowling made a character that is ‘predestined’ to die and then decides to follow that path in total obedience only to find that death does not conquer him and then is gloriously resurrected from death to defeat his arch foe. This is just way too Christian for me. It reminds me of a friend at Randwick Presbyterian Church who is doing her PhD dissertation in film studies to investigate the representation and imagery of Christ in modern movies. I bet if this last installment of Harry Potter goes to the wide screen, she is going to include that in her dissertation.
The second one and the last one is the conversation between Mr. Potter and Prof Dumbledore. It is in what Prof Dumbledore says about himself that makes me ponder. A high-achieving student, Dumbledore was sad to find himself trapped to take care of her ill sister upon the death of his mother. He dreamt of higher things, of greater things and finally got the change because his sister accidentally died (despite the fact he might have had a share in her death). He also said that he, despite being an exemplary person and an awesome academic, did not want power. Power tends to corrupt. This fact he knows too well so he decided to be happy as a Principal of Hogwarts rather than venturing into politics and became the Minister of Magic.
To a large extent, I suddenly felt a strong resemblance with Mr. Dumbledore. As a high achieving-student in my entire academic career, upon finishing my master degree I also feel trapped now. I am not trapped because I need to take care of anyone. In fact, I have always avoided the responsibility of caring for someone else. This is why I am wifeless at the moment. I feel trapped because of my routine activities. I have lost pride in anything that I do lately. All activities feel empty and just repetitions. This is what happens when somebody lost a reason for being and a goal for achieving. Sounds rather depressing? Well, don’t be depressed. I think I will come to that stage when I say I have had enough of trying to achieve anything further and would probably settle for something that will not make me crazy about power and money—something that will just keep me content of what I have. This probably also means accepting routines and rather empty activities. Probably, adult life is just like that—being content with what we have and grateful that we have gone so far and achieved so much and lacking that enthusiasm that was in youth and teenage years.
My Christ and Mr. Potter obeyed the path prepared for them. I should probably also follow the path that is meant for me and hopefully that path will also lead to conquering death and being resurrected with all the saints.
Within last week, I was reading two books at the same time. The first one is The Lord of The Rings. I have been reading the book for over than 2 years. I began reading it in 2006 but then decided to stop in the middle since I lacked interest and I did not have enough time to read. After working in the Embassy and living in such a close proximity to my office, I had the time to read again, so in early 2008 I began reading it again. That is why it has been taking me two years to read the book and I haven’t finished yet.
The second book is Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. It took only four nights to read the book although the length of the two books is nearly the same. Definitely, Harry Potter charms me more than The Lord of the Rings.
I don’t know whether I have been getting older or something, but it was certainly difficult to remember the exact details of the previous installment of the Potter series and I got lost several times while reading the seventh volume.
There are some parts of the plot that make me ponder. The first one is the striking resemblance of Mr. Potter and Christ. I don’t know what you think, but I certainly see a strong similarity in the way both died and defeated death. How could Ms Rowling made a character that is ‘predestined’ to die and then decides to follow that path in total obedience only to find that death does not conquer him and then is gloriously resurrected from death to defeat his arch foe. This is just way too Christian for me. It reminds me of a friend at Randwick Presbyterian Church who is doing her PhD dissertation in film studies to investigate the representation and imagery of Christ in modern movies. I bet if this last installment of Harry Potter goes to the wide screen, she is going to include that in her dissertation.
The second one and the last one is the conversation between Mr. Potter and Prof Dumbledore. It is in what Prof Dumbledore says about himself that makes me ponder. A high-achieving student, Dumbledore was sad to find himself trapped to take care of her ill sister upon the death of his mother. He dreamt of higher things, of greater things and finally got the change because his sister accidentally died (despite the fact he might have had a share in her death). He also said that he, despite being an exemplary person and an awesome academic, did not want power. Power tends to corrupt. This fact he knows too well so he decided to be happy as a Principal of Hogwarts rather than venturing into politics and became the Minister of Magic.
To a large extent, I suddenly felt a strong resemblance with Mr. Dumbledore. As a high achieving-student in my entire academic career, upon finishing my master degree I also feel trapped now. I am not trapped because I need to take care of anyone. In fact, I have always avoided the responsibility of caring for someone else. This is why I am wifeless at the moment. I feel trapped because of my routine activities. I have lost pride in anything that I do lately. All activities feel empty and just repetitions. This is what happens when somebody lost a reason for being and a goal for achieving. Sounds rather depressing? Well, don’t be depressed. I think I will come to that stage when I say I have had enough of trying to achieve anything further and would probably settle for something that will not make me crazy about power and money—something that will just keep me content of what I have. This probably also means accepting routines and rather empty activities. Probably, adult life is just like that—being content with what we have and grateful that we have gone so far and achieved so much and lacking that enthusiasm that was in youth and teenage years.
My Christ and Mr. Potter obeyed the path prepared for them. I should probably also follow the path that is meant for me and hopefully that path will also lead to conquering death and being resurrected with all the saints.
Anything else to achieve, Sir?
3 February 2008
Well, I only have three things that I want to achieve. First, I want to be a sworn translator. I am thinking of joining a course or probably finding material that will help me to pass the exam to qualify as a sworn translator. Second, I want to do my PhD. I hope within this year, an avenue will open up and I can pursue my PhD. Third, I want to be a professor. This might take a very long time to achieve. Upon completing these three, I will probably feel that I have had enough and ready to depart this vane place.
What is my legacy then? My legacy shall be that I have served and worked hard as my Lord has allowed me to. I have educated many and have led an exemplary life worthy of a servant of Christ Jesus. I have conquered my self and the situation surrounding me and excelled. That should be more than enough.
PS. One more thing, my parents would like me to get married
Well, I only have three things that I want to achieve. First, I want to be a sworn translator. I am thinking of joining a course or probably finding material that will help me to pass the exam to qualify as a sworn translator. Second, I want to do my PhD. I hope within this year, an avenue will open up and I can pursue my PhD. Third, I want to be a professor. This might take a very long time to achieve. Upon completing these three, I will probably feel that I have had enough and ready to depart this vane place.
What is my legacy then? My legacy shall be that I have served and worked hard as my Lord has allowed me to. I have educated many and have led an exemplary life worthy of a servant of Christ Jesus. I have conquered my self and the situation surrounding me and excelled. That should be more than enough.
PS. One more thing, my parents would like me to get married
On a much lighter note
6 February 2008
I fully realise that this blog has become for me a place to put all my complaints and dreams rather than capturing my passions. Well, my passion has become finding my life goal and values. As simple as that, probably.
But lately, I have been trying to write a paper with the title "Belalang: A case study of propositional meaning mismatch in literary translation"
Yeah, looking at this title, it does not sound like a much lighter note that what I wrote before in my previous blog.
But seriously, I think this paper is very light and a very creative one (bragging a bit here).
Just wait for its publication provided that it is accepted by KOLITA 6.
Other than that, I am eagerly anticipating the launching of 3:16, The Numbers of Hope. This will be my first ever translation book to be published. Eventually!
I fully realise that this blog has become for me a place to put all my complaints and dreams rather than capturing my passions. Well, my passion has become finding my life goal and values. As simple as that, probably.
But lately, I have been trying to write a paper with the title "Belalang: A case study of propositional meaning mismatch in literary translation"
Yeah, looking at this title, it does not sound like a much lighter note that what I wrote before in my previous blog.
But seriously, I think this paper is very light and a very creative one (bragging a bit here).
Just wait for its publication provided that it is accepted by KOLITA 6.
Other than that, I am eagerly anticipating the launching of 3:16, The Numbers of Hope. This will be my first ever translation book to be published. Eventually!
When your male friends get married
13 January 2008
When my female friends get married, I am not bothered at all. Women do tend to be grown-ups earlier than men. They also need to get married earlier because if women are to give birth to a healthy baby, women need to get married at around 24. I am not being a male chauvinist here; this is a scientific truth. Since I am a man, I don’t really get worried when my female friends get married. One of my best female friends got married in the age of 21 anyway. I am not so crazy to consider marriage at the age of 21. Men have a greater responsibility when considering marriage, such as the availability of house, car, that all come down to funding : )Now that my male friends get married, I am starting to be in trouble. Everyone around me starts to hassle me with questions, "When is your turn?" "Where is your girlfriend?" That is annoying and worrying actually. Given that, I have always been successful in securing what I want, now I am thrust to want something else–a lover.In fact, I have never really wanted a lover thus far. Being egocentric and self-centered, I always put myself in the first priority. Finding a lover means that I have to give up that self-centeredness and begin to give up the comfort of being 20 something with a lot of money and only oneself to take care. Deciding to be in relationship will mean a great if not a one hundred and eighty degree change.In the past, I had the simple excuse, "I want to study again." Now the excuse has become a lame one. People say, "You already did your master. Why should you wait until you have a PhD? You will be too old by then"Oh, I wish I did get my PhD scholarship so that I don’t be bothered by this. Nevertheless, life is a challenge that we need to answer. So this is another chapter of life that warrants my timely response and smart moves. But more than ever, I need the Lord’s guidance. May the Lord, who is the shepherd of my soul, lead me to the right soul mate Luckily, according to my friends, I still look like an early 20 boy, so I still can use my young look to attract even a much younger girlfriend. Hahahahaha (over confident here)
When my female friends get married, I am not bothered at all. Women do tend to be grown-ups earlier than men. They also need to get married earlier because if women are to give birth to a healthy baby, women need to get married at around 24. I am not being a male chauvinist here; this is a scientific truth. Since I am a man, I don’t really get worried when my female friends get married. One of my best female friends got married in the age of 21 anyway. I am not so crazy to consider marriage at the age of 21. Men have a greater responsibility when considering marriage, such as the availability of house, car, that all come down to funding : )Now that my male friends get married, I am starting to be in trouble. Everyone around me starts to hassle me with questions, "When is your turn?" "Where is your girlfriend?" That is annoying and worrying actually. Given that, I have always been successful in securing what I want, now I am thrust to want something else–a lover.In fact, I have never really wanted a lover thus far. Being egocentric and self-centered, I always put myself in the first priority. Finding a lover means that I have to give up that self-centeredness and begin to give up the comfort of being 20 something with a lot of money and only oneself to take care. Deciding to be in relationship will mean a great if not a one hundred and eighty degree change.In the past, I had the simple excuse, "I want to study again." Now the excuse has become a lame one. People say, "You already did your master. Why should you wait until you have a PhD? You will be too old by then"Oh, I wish I did get my PhD scholarship so that I don’t be bothered by this. Nevertheless, life is a challenge that we need to answer. So this is another chapter of life that warrants my timely response and smart moves. But more than ever, I need the Lord’s guidance. May the Lord, who is the shepherd of my soul, lead me to the right soul mate Luckily, according to my friends, I still look like an early 20 boy, so I still can use my young look to attract even a much younger girlfriend. Hahahahaha (over confident here)
Suddenly the world becomes very wide
22 December 2007
Suddenly, I think the world is very wide. There are just limitless possibilities. Having been in the Embassy for four months, I am now exposed to the myriad of possibilities for someone with my qualification, language proficiency and background.
Ibu Dhita was right probably when she turned down my intention to go back to teaching. I still can excel in other fields besides teaching. So the dreams I tried to bury last time, now emerge again. I still can go the distance and I probably will attempt to go the distance.
Don’t get me wrong. I still have every intention to have a PhD and be a professor someday, but it does not necessary mean that I should just be here in Indonesia or serve with full loyalty to one organisation. I can try so many other things and live in other parts of the world before deciding to teach again in the future.
So my sister was also right when she asked me to just hang on in the current job. At the end, I myself will benefit from staying. So it is also probably a very good idea to let go the joy and comfort of teaching at UI and let myself explore the uncertain world outhere. It is probably high time to let UI slip into history and embrace whatever that may come and wherever that may be. This is a healthier way of looking at the future.
Posted in Uncategorized
Suddenly, I think the world is very wide. There are just limitless possibilities. Having been in the Embassy for four months, I am now exposed to the myriad of possibilities for someone with my qualification, language proficiency and background.
Ibu Dhita was right probably when she turned down my intention to go back to teaching. I still can excel in other fields besides teaching. So the dreams I tried to bury last time, now emerge again. I still can go the distance and I probably will attempt to go the distance.
Don’t get me wrong. I still have every intention to have a PhD and be a professor someday, but it does not necessary mean that I should just be here in Indonesia or serve with full loyalty to one organisation. I can try so many other things and live in other parts of the world before deciding to teach again in the future.
So my sister was also right when she asked me to just hang on in the current job. At the end, I myself will benefit from staying. So it is also probably a very good idea to let go the joy and comfort of teaching at UI and let myself explore the uncertain world outhere. It is probably high time to let UI slip into history and embrace whatever that may come and wherever that may be. This is a healthier way of looking at the future.
Posted in Uncategorized
What is now bitter may become sweet someday
22 December 2007
In the past month, I have been trying to resolve a conflict between three people at my church. It did not work, unfortunately. It became even worse probably. This has caused a tremendous disappointment nearing the end of my term as the chairperson of the youth commission. Neverthless, I think there are times when we face failures and make things become worse rather than better. Such experiences teach us more than successful ones. It is bitter for me but the bitterness may turn out to be a taste worth tasting for, as life is not always so sweet. By tasting different tastes, we become wiser and not remain as spoiled kids who just demand for sweets. The key, I think, is to keep a positive attitude in looking at this problem. What is now bitter may someday turn up to be sweet. Painful as it may seem now, the experience will make us stronger and wiser. The strength and the wisdom will be something sweet for us in the future.
In the past month, I have been trying to resolve a conflict between three people at my church. It did not work, unfortunately. It became even worse probably. This has caused a tremendous disappointment nearing the end of my term as the chairperson of the youth commission. Neverthless, I think there are times when we face failures and make things become worse rather than better. Such experiences teach us more than successful ones. It is bitter for me but the bitterness may turn out to be a taste worth tasting for, as life is not always so sweet. By tasting different tastes, we become wiser and not remain as spoiled kids who just demand for sweets. The key, I think, is to keep a positive attitude in looking at this problem. What is now bitter may someday turn up to be sweet. Painful as it may seem now, the experience will make us stronger and wiser. The strength and the wisdom will be something sweet for us in the future.
Too early to give up
3 November 2007
You know what? My French got A! That is amazing considering I did not study enough before the exam and I came late to the class on the exam day. However, I still managed to get an A. Oh la la. Probably, at this stage, it is too early to give up any dream I have because seemingly I still can achieve a lot.
Earlier today, while having lunch at Frankfurter, I read a "Soap" magazine (what a strange title for a magazine!). The magazine has two articles that keep me thinking at the moment.
The first one talks about the 7 sins of men’s financial management. One of the tips is that we should not work for money. Money should work for us instead. The writer says he finds many people trapped in their cubicles doing what they do not enjoy for the sake of money. He later says we should choose a job that we enjoy and then open a business based on what we love doing best.
The second one is an interview with Nicolas Saputra. Nico says at the moment after graduating from the University of Indonesia, he just wants to take things slowly and not rush to get a permanent job or a chosen career path. Instead, he believes it is the time to wait for the right things to happen as he often observes his friends who rush into things finally get trapped in uncomfortable work places and finally regret the decision.
At the same mall, last week, my cell group met. My friends encourage me to consider all the options that I have before deciding to quit from the Embassy. They argue, it is too quick to give up a job and I should make long term targets and not to follow my feeling at this moment. For me myself, working at the Embassy actually opens my eyes to the myriad of opportunities for business and career paths for a person with my qualification.
Doing what one loves best and taking time to reconsider all possible options are obviously two themes that divide my mind at this stage. I am torn between taking time and explore opportunities or immediately jump back to the thing that I believe I love best.
Well, no worries mate! Edi, my ex-cell group leader, gave me enlightenment. He did not talk a lot actually. He just listened and gave a simple answer, "I don’t know. What do you think?" I guessed by not offerring any suggestion, he gave me a chance to clarify my goals and motivation and thus making things clear for myself.
Eventhough I eventually decide to quit my job at the Embassy this year, probably, I haven’t given up anything anyway. Everything is still a part of my learning process, of experiencing and exploring all possibilities so eventually I can make up my mind. The road is very long and there are still unchartered regions in my map. Life is a hiking track. Like in any hiking track, sometimes accidents happen. Sometimes people get lost. Sometimes we want to end the track and just sit there untill the SAR team comes to the rescue. So is with this year. 2007 will probably come down in my memory as a year that I explored a lot, made wrong decisions, decided to take a pause, and eventually came to realise that it is too early to give up anything because despite the wrong turns and dead ends, there are still many avenues to explore.
Can you believe that? All happened just within one year? Will I live to regret the decisions I made this year? Probably so. Probably not. In just a year, things are getting clearer and an old prayer of mine is starting to be answered bit by bit. Lessons earned here will probably affect the rest of my life and the rest of my decision making process. But here and now, I share the conviction of the psalmist, "The Lord is my help. Who should I fear?"
And on a lighter note, after six long months, finallement je parle francais! Vous parlez francais aussi? Vous comprenez?
You know what? My French got A! That is amazing considering I did not study enough before the exam and I came late to the class on the exam day. However, I still managed to get an A. Oh la la. Probably, at this stage, it is too early to give up any dream I have because seemingly I still can achieve a lot.
Earlier today, while having lunch at Frankfurter, I read a "Soap" magazine (what a strange title for a magazine!). The magazine has two articles that keep me thinking at the moment.
The first one talks about the 7 sins of men’s financial management. One of the tips is that we should not work for money. Money should work for us instead. The writer says he finds many people trapped in their cubicles doing what they do not enjoy for the sake of money. He later says we should choose a job that we enjoy and then open a business based on what we love doing best.
The second one is an interview with Nicolas Saputra. Nico says at the moment after graduating from the University of Indonesia, he just wants to take things slowly and not rush to get a permanent job or a chosen career path. Instead, he believes it is the time to wait for the right things to happen as he often observes his friends who rush into things finally get trapped in uncomfortable work places and finally regret the decision.
At the same mall, last week, my cell group met. My friends encourage me to consider all the options that I have before deciding to quit from the Embassy. They argue, it is too quick to give up a job and I should make long term targets and not to follow my feeling at this moment. For me myself, working at the Embassy actually opens my eyes to the myriad of opportunities for business and career paths for a person with my qualification.
Doing what one loves best and taking time to reconsider all possible options are obviously two themes that divide my mind at this stage. I am torn between taking time and explore opportunities or immediately jump back to the thing that I believe I love best.
Well, no worries mate! Edi, my ex-cell group leader, gave me enlightenment. He did not talk a lot actually. He just listened and gave a simple answer, "I don’t know. What do you think?" I guessed by not offerring any suggestion, he gave me a chance to clarify my goals and motivation and thus making things clear for myself.
Eventhough I eventually decide to quit my job at the Embassy this year, probably, I haven’t given up anything anyway. Everything is still a part of my learning process, of experiencing and exploring all possibilities so eventually I can make up my mind. The road is very long and there are still unchartered regions in my map. Life is a hiking track. Like in any hiking track, sometimes accidents happen. Sometimes people get lost. Sometimes we want to end the track and just sit there untill the SAR team comes to the rescue. So is with this year. 2007 will probably come down in my memory as a year that I explored a lot, made wrong decisions, decided to take a pause, and eventually came to realise that it is too early to give up anything because despite the wrong turns and dead ends, there are still many avenues to explore.
Can you believe that? All happened just within one year? Will I live to regret the decisions I made this year? Probably so. Probably not. In just a year, things are getting clearer and an old prayer of mine is starting to be answered bit by bit. Lessons earned here will probably affect the rest of my life and the rest of my decision making process. But here and now, I share the conviction of the psalmist, "The Lord is my help. Who should I fear?"
And on a lighter note, after six long months, finallement je parle francais! Vous parlez francais aussi? Vous comprenez?
Life is a hiking track
30 September 2007
I love going to mountains and beaches more than going to malls and shopping centres. So I am quite enthusiastic about going to Curug Panjang along with my youth commission. This also commemorates the 41st birthday of the commission and welcoming new members of the commission.
Nevertheless, the track that we had to go through was so heavy. I fell once and once more. The first fall made me unable to trust my feet anymore. My feet that I can always trust to keep me balanced suddenly could not cope with the track and thus the second fall. It reminds me that when we suddenly lose faith in something to fundamental for us, the consequences can be devastating. Throughout the next hour I had to learn to bring back my trust to my feet, and I still can’t really trust my feet the day after the hiking. Imagine if that happens to your faith in God. Well, I’d rather not imagine.
Another thing that I learn about walking through difficult terrain is it is much better when we don’t hold to anything else. When I walked, I brought a bottle of water and my slippers that unfortunately were not strong enough and broke away in the middle of the journey. This made me clumsier so I found it difficult to keep my balance. It suddenly brought to my memory a lesson from the Gospel saying that to go to heaven, you must let go all the things that attach you to the world. This is very true. When we are busy doing other things and holding to other trivial things, our way upward becomes more difficult and we lose concentration and sight of the main goal. So after the second fall, I let go the slippers and the bottle as well, and then, I stopped falling.
Apart from the difficult track, I found it very nice to speak to Oka and Avia. They are a recently married couple in the congregation.
Oka is very firmly committed to his life goals—fixing Indonesian economy and propagating the Gospel. His wife is no less committed to her goals to reduce poverty and bring more people to know the Lord. When I meet people like this, I can’t stop myself from being idealist and I do hope that I will maintain my idealism throughout my life. It was a very different approach taken by the preacher that day who said she would keep herself realistic to the present problems and keep away the idealism that can bring disappointment. Christianity, I believe, is strongly built on idealism. Who is Jesus if he was not an idealist? What would the world be without people like Martin Luther King, Jr or Mother Teresa? They are truly idealists. Without idealism we will linger on the trivialities of life and can never dream big; thus, achieve nothing at all.
So it was a nice day of reflection despite the bruises and tiredness. Now, I question myself how long I would stay in a job that I understand more clearly everyday is not my calling and not really the place the Lord wants me to stay for a long time. If only the difficulties of life only occur during hiking to Curug Panjang, our lives would be much easier. But, our lives are actually a long hiking to a higher ground, a stiller ground found not in the profanity of Earth. That is why it is never easy.
I love going to mountains and beaches more than going to malls and shopping centres. So I am quite enthusiastic about going to Curug Panjang along with my youth commission. This also commemorates the 41st birthday of the commission and welcoming new members of the commission.
Nevertheless, the track that we had to go through was so heavy. I fell once and once more. The first fall made me unable to trust my feet anymore. My feet that I can always trust to keep me balanced suddenly could not cope with the track and thus the second fall. It reminds me that when we suddenly lose faith in something to fundamental for us, the consequences can be devastating. Throughout the next hour I had to learn to bring back my trust to my feet, and I still can’t really trust my feet the day after the hiking. Imagine if that happens to your faith in God. Well, I’d rather not imagine.
Another thing that I learn about walking through difficult terrain is it is much better when we don’t hold to anything else. When I walked, I brought a bottle of water and my slippers that unfortunately were not strong enough and broke away in the middle of the journey. This made me clumsier so I found it difficult to keep my balance. It suddenly brought to my memory a lesson from the Gospel saying that to go to heaven, you must let go all the things that attach you to the world. This is very true. When we are busy doing other things and holding to other trivial things, our way upward becomes more difficult and we lose concentration and sight of the main goal. So after the second fall, I let go the slippers and the bottle as well, and then, I stopped falling.
Apart from the difficult track, I found it very nice to speak to Oka and Avia. They are a recently married couple in the congregation.
Oka is very firmly committed to his life goals—fixing Indonesian economy and propagating the Gospel. His wife is no less committed to her goals to reduce poverty and bring more people to know the Lord. When I meet people like this, I can’t stop myself from being idealist and I do hope that I will maintain my idealism throughout my life. It was a very different approach taken by the preacher that day who said she would keep herself realistic to the present problems and keep away the idealism that can bring disappointment. Christianity, I believe, is strongly built on idealism. Who is Jesus if he was not an idealist? What would the world be without people like Martin Luther King, Jr or Mother Teresa? They are truly idealists. Without idealism we will linger on the trivialities of life and can never dream big; thus, achieve nothing at all.
So it was a nice day of reflection despite the bruises and tiredness. Now, I question myself how long I would stay in a job that I understand more clearly everyday is not my calling and not really the place the Lord wants me to stay for a long time. If only the difficulties of life only occur during hiking to Curug Panjang, our lives would be much easier. But, our lives are actually a long hiking to a higher ground, a stiller ground found not in the profanity of Earth. That is why it is never easy.
My French
18 September 2007
After spending 6 months, my French has not improved as it should be. As a language teacher who is temporarily being a language student, I can analyse the problems. Firstly, the method used is not communicative at all. I have not been instructed to do conversations. We spend most of the time studying grammar, just like what my English school teachers did. I even have doubts when I want to introduce myself in French. Compared to my Mandarin lessons, this French method of teaching language is really out dated. Secondly, I am bit lazy. This happens because I don’t see any success in my French, so I decide not to spend time to learn the language. If success breeds success, then failure breeds failure as well. Nevertheless, the money spend is cheap enough, so I have no regrets. But this means I won’t continue my French lesson. Probably continuing my Mandarin is more beneficial.
At the mean time, looking at my busy schedule, I think staying at home at nights probably sounds better and healthier for me. So, I have decided to cross out the dream of mastering French. This is quite good actually, I have been crossing out my dreams that are not viable and not interesting anymore throughout the month following my birthday. At that time, I had a dozen of ideas. By doing this, I will end up having only a few that I really want and in the long run, I will have a very clear goal and dream that will make my life much easier to manage and I can spend my energy doing what matters most. Good then.
After spending 6 months, my French has not improved as it should be. As a language teacher who is temporarily being a language student, I can analyse the problems. Firstly, the method used is not communicative at all. I have not been instructed to do conversations. We spend most of the time studying grammar, just like what my English school teachers did. I even have doubts when I want to introduce myself in French. Compared to my Mandarin lessons, this French method of teaching language is really out dated. Secondly, I am bit lazy. This happens because I don’t see any success in my French, so I decide not to spend time to learn the language. If success breeds success, then failure breeds failure as well. Nevertheless, the money spend is cheap enough, so I have no regrets. But this means I won’t continue my French lesson. Probably continuing my Mandarin is more beneficial.
At the mean time, looking at my busy schedule, I think staying at home at nights probably sounds better and healthier for me. So, I have decided to cross out the dream of mastering French. This is quite good actually, I have been crossing out my dreams that are not viable and not interesting anymore throughout the month following my birthday. At that time, I had a dozen of ideas. By doing this, I will end up having only a few that I really want and in the long run, I will have a very clear goal and dream that will make my life much easier to manage and I can spend my energy doing what matters most. Good then.
When Things Become Very Clear
17 September 2007
It happens again. I move to new job and I somewhat dislike this job. It’s the same old story repeated in life chapters of Agus. Nevertheless, now, it becomes very clear for me what I want to do for the rest of my life.
Early last month, I had determined that I wanted two jobs for my life. I even joined a Perkantas training about career plans and God’s calling so that I don’t make the old mistakes again. At that time, I either wanted to work for the United Nations’ UNESCO or work as a lecturer/professor. Working for UNESCO will mean I have the opportunity to shape global education. This sounds way so cool. That is why I believe taking the post at the Embassy will help me to pursue that dream. However, at the moment, it is obvious; I can’t really enjoy office hours and office life. What I always think about is my next research papers and my teaching life. No matter how luxurious the office is or how big the salary is, it’s just not meant for me. Working at UN will also mean I have to be very mobile and willing to be deployed to different posts, be flexible and work with short-term engagement most of the time. Don’t get me wrong. I still find that very cool and it is a life-long dream since I was a child. However, the roads and doors are seemingly blocked. Not because I don’t have the will, but because I realize that I am built for a different purpose. People may say, “Well, Agus, you have made another mistake in choosing your job. Didn’t you pray enough or consult the Lord enough to avoid this mistake?” The answer is both yes and no. Yes, because it was a rush decision. No, because now the Lord has made things very clear for me
Earlier today, I saw a documentary about Dietrich Bonhoeffer. If you don’t know him, you should find out about him. (Google is probably the right place to begin.) Bonhoeffer said the discipleship for the follower of Christ demands a full submission and the sure price is death. I cannot help myself from thinking like that—i.e. the price of discipleship is indeed very costly—whenever I see or hear or read about the lives of people like Bonhoeffer, Martin Luther King Jr., Toyohiko Kagawa or Teresa of Calcutta. Great disciples like them really show that the price of following Christ is never too cheap and never too easy. I wonder where do I stand? Do I decide to follow Christ in the easiest possible way—such as by working in one of the most secure places in
Jakarta
? Or do I decide to go out from my people, from the comfort of my father’s house, and surrender myself to the grace of God? (This is an English translation from the first line of a missionary song in Kidung Jemaat, Keluar dari Kaum).
Back to the topic of my chosen profession, I realize now that I want to be a lecturer and that is it. I probably will find time to write something, or translate something, or do a consultation service to others as my side jobs, but I want that my full time profession is to teach and do research. This will demand, probably, receiving an income half from my current one. This will demand, probably, giving up all the privileges of working for a diplomatic mission. This will demand, for sure, giving up an office only 5 minutes away from home—something that I always dream of. Nevertheless, I have long realized the cost of following the guidance of the Lord is never too cheap nor too expensive, never too late nor too quickly. Wherever He leads, I will follow as I always believe the Lord himself does not lead us to wrong paths.
Things are very clear now and I am very thankful to the Lord. However, I am waiting. Waiting for clear indications where I should go next, for I am not planning to make the same mistakes again by moving too quickly from one job to the next, waiting for the Lord to make things even clearer. Or, waiting for the day when I have to say enough is enough
It happens again. I move to new job and I somewhat dislike this job. It’s the same old story repeated in life chapters of Agus. Nevertheless, now, it becomes very clear for me what I want to do for the rest of my life.
Early last month, I had determined that I wanted two jobs for my life. I even joined a Perkantas training about career plans and God’s calling so that I don’t make the old mistakes again. At that time, I either wanted to work for the United Nations’ UNESCO or work as a lecturer/professor. Working for UNESCO will mean I have the opportunity to shape global education. This sounds way so cool. That is why I believe taking the post at the Embassy will help me to pursue that dream. However, at the moment, it is obvious; I can’t really enjoy office hours and office life. What I always think about is my next research papers and my teaching life. No matter how luxurious the office is or how big the salary is, it’s just not meant for me. Working at UN will also mean I have to be very mobile and willing to be deployed to different posts, be flexible and work with short-term engagement most of the time. Don’t get me wrong. I still find that very cool and it is a life-long dream since I was a child. However, the roads and doors are seemingly blocked. Not because I don’t have the will, but because I realize that I am built for a different purpose. People may say, “Well, Agus, you have made another mistake in choosing your job. Didn’t you pray enough or consult the Lord enough to avoid this mistake?” The answer is both yes and no. Yes, because it was a rush decision. No, because now the Lord has made things very clear for me
Earlier today, I saw a documentary about Dietrich Bonhoeffer. If you don’t know him, you should find out about him. (Google is probably the right place to begin.) Bonhoeffer said the discipleship for the follower of Christ demands a full submission and the sure price is death. I cannot help myself from thinking like that—i.e. the price of discipleship is indeed very costly—whenever I see or hear or read about the lives of people like Bonhoeffer, Martin Luther King Jr., Toyohiko Kagawa or Teresa of Calcutta. Great disciples like them really show that the price of following Christ is never too cheap and never too easy. I wonder where do I stand? Do I decide to follow Christ in the easiest possible way—such as by working in one of the most secure places in
Jakarta
? Or do I decide to go out from my people, from the comfort of my father’s house, and surrender myself to the grace of God? (This is an English translation from the first line of a missionary song in Kidung Jemaat, Keluar dari Kaum).
Back to the topic of my chosen profession, I realize now that I want to be a lecturer and that is it. I probably will find time to write something, or translate something, or do a consultation service to others as my side jobs, but I want that my full time profession is to teach and do research. This will demand, probably, receiving an income half from my current one. This will demand, probably, giving up all the privileges of working for a diplomatic mission. This will demand, for sure, giving up an office only 5 minutes away from home—something that I always dream of. Nevertheless, I have long realized the cost of following the guidance of the Lord is never too cheap nor too expensive, never too late nor too quickly. Wherever He leads, I will follow as I always believe the Lord himself does not lead us to wrong paths.
Things are very clear now and I am very thankful to the Lord. However, I am waiting. Waiting for clear indications where I should go next, for I am not planning to make the same mistakes again by moving too quickly from one job to the next, waiting for the Lord to make things even clearer. Or, waiting for the day when I have to say enough is enough
On leaving UI
4 August 2007
It came so suddenly. I was really surprised. I did not imagine that my prayers are always answered very quickly.
It began with reading a small advertisement in a newspaper. Being idle at that time, I decided to send an application. To my surprise, they contacted me. The interview went very well, so did the test. Within two weeks, they called me again offering something difficult to resist. They did not bargain for the salary, nor did they withhold me from working somewhere else outside the office hours. For the first time, I get an offer of a permanent officer, as long as they are happy and I am happy, they will continuously employ me. So smart are these people at the Embassy. After asking the opinion of many people, I eventually succumbed to the generous offer.
However, actually for the very first time, I don’t feel relief leaving a job. But as probably I have decided earlier, it’s time to say good bye to the English Department. Oh, how I will miss my students and colleagues in Depok! I really enjoyed working for the Department and I recommend everyone, especially my students who are thinking about their future career aspirations, to consider joining the university. It’s been truly a privilege to have worked at UI and to know the best brains in the country. However, at this stage, I still want to explore something new and I do hope that my time at the Australian Embassy will be time of exploration– to really see whether I can someday work at a larger scale and accomplish what I have been dreaming of since I was a child.
Earlier today, I attended a career counseling class at Perkantas National Headquarters. I was so touched to hear the life story of Abraham Lincoln, that pious sixteenth President of the Land of the Free, told by the speaker. Do you know that Lincoln got bankrupt more than twice and failed to win the election more than four times? But he did not quit at times of crises. God prepared him actually to face the greatest crisis in the history of the United States, when slavery was abolished and the civil war threatened the unity of the nation. And he came as a champion. He put an end to slavery and reconciled the nation. If you have read his second inauguration address to the people of America, you will certainly be moved, "With malice towards none…." This is one amazing person. After so many years of war and hatred, he has malice towards none and he has no bitterness after all the failures that he has faced in life.
I am much better from Abe Lincoln at this stage actually, because when he was 26 he had been bankrupt so that he had to pay his debts in the next 17 years of his life and he had failed to attend a law school. I have not done that. I have no debt and I have completed a master’s degree. Let’s just hope that I can stay better than Lincoln in the years ahead :).
Returning to the main topic, I have promised not to return to Depok unless I have a doctorate at hand. Nevertheless, it does not mean that I will leave UI for good. I am still going to be around Salemba and PPB. So, it’s a fond farewell for Depok and a rather unprecedented welcome to Kuningan. Good bye Depok! So long my students and colleagues! Hope our paths cross again somewhere, someday.
Another door opens itself before me, and another one closes behind me. "When the Lord closes a door, let no man open it, and when He opens a door, let no man close it." With this in mind, I will move on.
It came so suddenly. I was really surprised. I did not imagine that my prayers are always answered very quickly.
It began with reading a small advertisement in a newspaper. Being idle at that time, I decided to send an application. To my surprise, they contacted me. The interview went very well, so did the test. Within two weeks, they called me again offering something difficult to resist. They did not bargain for the salary, nor did they withhold me from working somewhere else outside the office hours. For the first time, I get an offer of a permanent officer, as long as they are happy and I am happy, they will continuously employ me. So smart are these people at the Embassy. After asking the opinion of many people, I eventually succumbed to the generous offer.
However, actually for the very first time, I don’t feel relief leaving a job. But as probably I have decided earlier, it’s time to say good bye to the English Department. Oh, how I will miss my students and colleagues in Depok! I really enjoyed working for the Department and I recommend everyone, especially my students who are thinking about their future career aspirations, to consider joining the university. It’s been truly a privilege to have worked at UI and to know the best brains in the country. However, at this stage, I still want to explore something new and I do hope that my time at the Australian Embassy will be time of exploration– to really see whether I can someday work at a larger scale and accomplish what I have been dreaming of since I was a child.
Earlier today, I attended a career counseling class at Perkantas National Headquarters. I was so touched to hear the life story of Abraham Lincoln, that pious sixteenth President of the Land of the Free, told by the speaker. Do you know that Lincoln got bankrupt more than twice and failed to win the election more than four times? But he did not quit at times of crises. God prepared him actually to face the greatest crisis in the history of the United States, when slavery was abolished and the civil war threatened the unity of the nation. And he came as a champion. He put an end to slavery and reconciled the nation. If you have read his second inauguration address to the people of America, you will certainly be moved, "With malice towards none…." This is one amazing person. After so many years of war and hatred, he has malice towards none and he has no bitterness after all the failures that he has faced in life.
I am much better from Abe Lincoln at this stage actually, because when he was 26 he had been bankrupt so that he had to pay his debts in the next 17 years of his life and he had failed to attend a law school. I have not done that. I have no debt and I have completed a master’s degree. Let’s just hope that I can stay better than Lincoln in the years ahead :).
Returning to the main topic, I have promised not to return to Depok unless I have a doctorate at hand. Nevertheless, it does not mean that I will leave UI for good. I am still going to be around Salemba and PPB. So, it’s a fond farewell for Depok and a rather unprecedented welcome to Kuningan. Good bye Depok! So long my students and colleagues! Hope our paths cross again somewhere, someday.
Another door opens itself before me, and another one closes behind me. "When the Lord closes a door, let no man open it, and when He opens a door, let no man close it." With this in mind, I will move on.
It has become my decision
21 June 2007
It’s been quite a while since I write anything on this blog. I was too busy probably taking care of the exam marks. Right now, I am supposed to be busy taking care of the syllabi for next term. However, as usual, I prefer to write something on the blog.
My blog at friendster has been experiencing some problems. I cannot put a comment on anyone’s blog. This is terrible. I love blogging because of the comments that I receive and give to others. Because of this problem, I have become demotivated to write an entry. Whenever I want to put a comment, there is always this pop-up saying that I have to sign in and debug because commenter name is undefined. If any of you can solve this particular problem, please contact me.
Another noteworthy event is finally my translation has been paid! Yipee! I immediately spent the money by buying a pair of Hush Puppies shoes that I have always wanted. :)) Moreover, I am going to be an interpreter for a writing workshop at OMF. This will also be a paid job, yipee!
Other than that, it has become my decision that I will leave my teaching career if I don’t get my PhD scholarship. At the moment I am applying for two scholarships: Fulbright and ADS. An ex-boss of mine also recommended trying the Endeavour awards, which I will probably try. I have also been offerred two full time teaching positions at UI and at Atma Jaya. These two places have given me some of the nicest teaching experiences in my entire career. Nevertheless, it has become apparent for me that there is no gain of continuing my career as a lecturer without a doctorate. My career will come to a stalemate and I don’t want that to happen. I also do not want to pursue a doctorate with my own money simply here in Indonesia because it is not worth the investment and hardwork, I think. Hehehehe
Then, there is one big question. What would I do next? I have written down the goals that I would like to achieve in my life. It is high time that I start to pursue my childhood dream. That is why I am forcing myself to learn French although the language is a complete nightmare!
By the end of this year, I will have a complete notification about the result of the Fulbright scholarship and I will have a notification whether I make it to the second round of ADS. If there is bad news from the two, then the English Department at UI will become just a memory for me.
Yesterday, Anne, a junior and fellow lecturer, told me that she had never found a work place better than the English Department–the positive atmosphere, the independence, the minimal control, the camaraderie, the support, and the list goes on. And she was correct.
However, the courage to move on with life and to step out of our comfort zone in order to pursue our dreams, I believe, are essential to achieve and experience something which can be as rewarding or even more rewarding than the experience of working and teaching at UI (Reward here does not imply money for no one can be a tycoon by teaching).
What if the dream turns out sour and bitter like my dream of UPH earlier? Well, you’ll never know until you try. I’d rather try and fail than never trying and thus failing. Nevertheless, I am confident that this is a right decision because success after success has been unfolded throughout my life time. Hahahaha (Overconfidence here).
No, no, no, I am confident because: "The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want." He creates us with a purpose and he will ensure that the purpose is accomplished though through a feeble and unworthy servant such as myself. Our goal should always be: "Glorificatio et manifestatio gratiae divinae." If you need translation here, please contact me.
It’s been quite a while since I write anything on this blog. I was too busy probably taking care of the exam marks. Right now, I am supposed to be busy taking care of the syllabi for next term. However, as usual, I prefer to write something on the blog.
My blog at friendster has been experiencing some problems. I cannot put a comment on anyone’s blog. This is terrible. I love blogging because of the comments that I receive and give to others. Because of this problem, I have become demotivated to write an entry. Whenever I want to put a comment, there is always this pop-up saying that I have to sign in and debug because commenter name is undefined. If any of you can solve this particular problem, please contact me.
Another noteworthy event is finally my translation has been paid! Yipee! I immediately spent the money by buying a pair of Hush Puppies shoes that I have always wanted. :)) Moreover, I am going to be an interpreter for a writing workshop at OMF. This will also be a paid job, yipee!
Other than that, it has become my decision that I will leave my teaching career if I don’t get my PhD scholarship. At the moment I am applying for two scholarships: Fulbright and ADS. An ex-boss of mine also recommended trying the Endeavour awards, which I will probably try. I have also been offerred two full time teaching positions at UI and at Atma Jaya. These two places have given me some of the nicest teaching experiences in my entire career. Nevertheless, it has become apparent for me that there is no gain of continuing my career as a lecturer without a doctorate. My career will come to a stalemate and I don’t want that to happen. I also do not want to pursue a doctorate with my own money simply here in Indonesia because it is not worth the investment and hardwork, I think. Hehehehe
Then, there is one big question. What would I do next? I have written down the goals that I would like to achieve in my life. It is high time that I start to pursue my childhood dream. That is why I am forcing myself to learn French although the language is a complete nightmare!
By the end of this year, I will have a complete notification about the result of the Fulbright scholarship and I will have a notification whether I make it to the second round of ADS. If there is bad news from the two, then the English Department at UI will become just a memory for me.
Yesterday, Anne, a junior and fellow lecturer, told me that she had never found a work place better than the English Department–the positive atmosphere, the independence, the minimal control, the camaraderie, the support, and the list goes on. And she was correct.
However, the courage to move on with life and to step out of our comfort zone in order to pursue our dreams, I believe, are essential to achieve and experience something which can be as rewarding or even more rewarding than the experience of working and teaching at UI (Reward here does not imply money for no one can be a tycoon by teaching).
What if the dream turns out sour and bitter like my dream of UPH earlier? Well, you’ll never know until you try. I’d rather try and fail than never trying and thus failing. Nevertheless, I am confident that this is a right decision because success after success has been unfolded throughout my life time. Hahahaha (Overconfidence here).
No, no, no, I am confident because: "The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want." He creates us with a purpose and he will ensure that the purpose is accomplished though through a feeble and unworthy servant such as myself. Our goal should always be: "Glorificatio et manifestatio gratiae divinae." If you need translation here, please contact me.
Another reason to rejoice
8 May 2007
"Rejoice with those who rejoice!" (The Apostle Paul)
Today I have presented my paper at KOLITA (the Annual Atma Jaya Linguistics Conference). Finally! There goes one burden.
My paper, probably too Christian-minded, received two important comments. One was by a lecturer from Petra Christian University who is researching various versions of the Bible. Another one is from a researcher from SIL (Summers Institute of Linguistics) International. She is an American who have lived in Indonesia for 25 years. Her interest is translating the Bible. I used to dream as a young university student that someday I would help translating the Bible. Well, who knows the dream may still be possible to achieve.
Other than that, I had the chance to speak to a Professor from Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia who is interested in Computer Assisted Language Learning. I always have this negative perspective about the use of information and computer technology in education for various studies do not support the the argument that technology is beneficial for learning. He, on the other hand, was very positive about that. He suggested that the variables that influence the effectiveness of ICT in education should not be down graded. Therefore, various studies that have shown that ICT is not useful, do not prove anything yet. We still need comprehensive research that would take into account all variables related to Computer Assisted Language Learning. This seems like a very good topic for research and discussion. I bet Pak Agus Santoso from UPH is going to be interested in this matter and would like to talk to that Professor from UKM.
Overall, I think participating at KOLITA is useful. It opened me to many new links and new research interests.
So, wait for my next papers which will investigate future time perspective theory application for TOEFL students and another one hopefully about education (still no idea at all, but really need to submit the paper to Sampoerna Foundation soon), and the last one is about Pendangkalan Nilai-Nilai Kekristenan dalam Novel Populer Kristen: Suatu Kajian Novel Picisan. That probably would not be the title, but it is a very interesting topic, and I do not know yet how to translate that into English. Any idea anyone?
"Rejoice with those who rejoice!" (The Apostle Paul)
Today I have presented my paper at KOLITA (the Annual Atma Jaya Linguistics Conference). Finally! There goes one burden.
My paper, probably too Christian-minded, received two important comments. One was by a lecturer from Petra Christian University who is researching various versions of the Bible. Another one is from a researcher from SIL (Summers Institute of Linguistics) International. She is an American who have lived in Indonesia for 25 years. Her interest is translating the Bible. I used to dream as a young university student that someday I would help translating the Bible. Well, who knows the dream may still be possible to achieve.
Other than that, I had the chance to speak to a Professor from Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia who is interested in Computer Assisted Language Learning. I always have this negative perspective about the use of information and computer technology in education for various studies do not support the the argument that technology is beneficial for learning. He, on the other hand, was very positive about that. He suggested that the variables that influence the effectiveness of ICT in education should not be down graded. Therefore, various studies that have shown that ICT is not useful, do not prove anything yet. We still need comprehensive research that would take into account all variables related to Computer Assisted Language Learning. This seems like a very good topic for research and discussion. I bet Pak Agus Santoso from UPH is going to be interested in this matter and would like to talk to that Professor from UKM.
Overall, I think participating at KOLITA is useful. It opened me to many new links and new research interests.
So, wait for my next papers which will investigate future time perspective theory application for TOEFL students and another one hopefully about education (still no idea at all, but really need to submit the paper to Sampoerna Foundation soon), and the last one is about Pendangkalan Nilai-Nilai Kekristenan dalam Novel Populer Kristen: Suatu Kajian Novel Picisan. That probably would not be the title, but it is a very interesting topic, and I do not know yet how to translate that into English. Any idea anyone?
Being Old
4 May 2007
I was firstly aware that I was old when my parents visited me in Sydney. For the first time in my live, I was making decisions for my parents, where they should eat, where they should go, and they lived out of my mercy (at least, my translation service was fundamental for their survival in Australia as they cannot speak proper English).
I am becoming more aware about my ‘old’ age lately. Everyone around me started to be sick showing that they are getting older and so am I. I am also more aware of the need of fixed income for daily survival and the need to have good health insurance to protect us from bad things.
Being 20 something means that we start to take up greater responsibilities in our lives. Some people are very aware of that, but others are just unaware of that or would like to pretend that there is no responsibility.
I believe that I have been spared from the responsibility long enough and now it starts to trickle into my daily life. I do wonder how I will see my life at twenties once this period comes to an end. Have I done good enough; have I made it meaningful; if I could have done something differently, what would that have been?
What should I do then within this twenty something period? To live life to the fullest; to rejoice in the Lord starting from now (An adaptation from the first answer in the Westminster Cathecism).
I was firstly aware that I was old when my parents visited me in Sydney. For the first time in my live, I was making decisions for my parents, where they should eat, where they should go, and they lived out of my mercy (at least, my translation service was fundamental for their survival in Australia as they cannot speak proper English).
I am becoming more aware about my ‘old’ age lately. Everyone around me started to be sick showing that they are getting older and so am I. I am also more aware of the need of fixed income for daily survival and the need to have good health insurance to protect us from bad things.
Being 20 something means that we start to take up greater responsibilities in our lives. Some people are very aware of that, but others are just unaware of that or would like to pretend that there is no responsibility.
I believe that I have been spared from the responsibility long enough and now it starts to trickle into my daily life. I do wonder how I will see my life at twenties once this period comes to an end. Have I done good enough; have I made it meaningful; if I could have done something differently, what would that have been?
What should I do then within this twenty something period? To live life to the fullest; to rejoice in the Lord starting from now (An adaptation from the first answer in the Westminster Cathecism).
Been missing Sydney
20 April 2007
Lately, I have been picturing myself sitting at Coogee Beach and looking at the blue Pacific Ocean. I have been picturing myself taking that slow ferry across the Sydney Harbor and marveling at how clean and sparkling the water is. I have been picturing myself walking down Meeks Street from my apartment down to Anzac Parade and dining at those lovely small Indo restaurants. I have been picturing myself walking up to Randwick and strolling along the Randwick Junction to do some errands. I have been picturing myself venturing around UNSW and bringing heaps of books from that gargantuan library. I have been picturing myself walking around the Queen Victoria Building and pondering at how magnificent the Cathedrals of St Mary’s and St Andrew’s are. I have been picturing myself wandering around the City and living there again.
Oh Jakarta, how I hate you. You make me miss Sydney. Hehehehe
Lately, I have been picturing myself sitting at Coogee Beach and looking at the blue Pacific Ocean. I have been picturing myself taking that slow ferry across the Sydney Harbor and marveling at how clean and sparkling the water is. I have been picturing myself walking down Meeks Street from my apartment down to Anzac Parade and dining at those lovely small Indo restaurants. I have been picturing myself walking up to Randwick and strolling along the Randwick Junction to do some errands. I have been picturing myself venturing around UNSW and bringing heaps of books from that gargantuan library. I have been picturing myself walking around the Queen Victoria Building and pondering at how magnificent the Cathedrals of St Mary’s and St Andrew’s are. I have been picturing myself wandering around the City and living there again.
Oh Jakarta, how I hate you. You make me miss Sydney. Hehehehe
The controversial resurrection
20 April 2007
Was He really resurrected? According to our dear Pastor Ioanes Rakmat, He was not. There goes the cornerstone of Christian faith. He was not resurrected, at least according to research into the Talpiot archaeological sites quoted by Dr. Rakhmat in his much debated article published just before the Good Friday.
How pitiful we were if He had not been resurrected!
I agree that we should look critically at our own faith so that we are not trapped by blind obedience or fundamentalism. Nevertheless, let us not also astray into uncontrolled liberal thoughts and deny that one solid rock of our faith.
Our faith must work together with our mind–this I strongly adhere to. To do what? To deny the dogmas of the church? To deny the resurrection and consider it a made-up mythology? Or to bring down the entire Christian civilization?
I believe not. Our faith must work together with our mind to prove that indeed He was resurrected, to strengthen the faith of the believers, and to advance humanity with the light of Christian faith. Is that too much to ask to those seminarians and so-called theological experts? They, in my opinion, have done nothing other than making controversial statements to make themselves more famous than the others.
I always dream that someday I will study theology, not to be a minister for I have asked the Lord so many times whether I should be one or not. The answer is clearly no. I want it just because I simply love learning and talking about that foundation that holds together my entire life.
Was He really resurrected? According to our dear Pastor Ioanes Rakmat, He was not. There goes the cornerstone of Christian faith. He was not resurrected, at least according to research into the Talpiot archaeological sites quoted by Dr. Rakhmat in his much debated article published just before the Good Friday.
How pitiful we were if He had not been resurrected!
I agree that we should look critically at our own faith so that we are not trapped by blind obedience or fundamentalism. Nevertheless, let us not also astray into uncontrolled liberal thoughts and deny that one solid rock of our faith.
Our faith must work together with our mind–this I strongly adhere to. To do what? To deny the dogmas of the church? To deny the resurrection and consider it a made-up mythology? Or to bring down the entire Christian civilization?
I believe not. Our faith must work together with our mind to prove that indeed He was resurrected, to strengthen the faith of the believers, and to advance humanity with the light of Christian faith. Is that too much to ask to those seminarians and so-called theological experts? They, in my opinion, have done nothing other than making controversial statements to make themselves more famous than the others.
I always dream that someday I will study theology, not to be a minister for I have asked the Lord so many times whether I should be one or not. The answer is clearly no. I want it just because I simply love learning and talking about that foundation that holds together my entire life.
One of the happiest days
20 April 2007
Today is indeed one of the happiest days throughout this year for me.
Finally, I finish this translation of "Selling Today: Creating Customer Value". Well, it is not totally completed yet. I still have to edit it and coordinate with Nike, my co-translator, concerning the terms that we use. However, this is a (seemingly) big success that warrants celebration.
After this translation, more work awaits. Starting tomorrow, I have to delve into the world of pragmatics–something that I have not explored for years. My paper is accepted by the organising committee of Atma Jaya’s KOLITA. This is very good actually, since this will be my first time presenting an academic paper in an international forum. However, frankly speaking, I really made up the abstract that I sent to KOLITA. Now, I face the difficult task of writing the ‘made-up’ paper. Well, nothing to be worried about, so many of my colleagues write ‘instant’ papers and got accepted at international conferences. Hopefully, I can follow their footsteps.
Then, I have to write my dissertation proposal. I am still confused whether my dissertation should investigate effective teachers-effective schools or the building of multicultural education in Indonesia. Choosing the topic is really imporant. If I get accepted, I will spend more than 3 years of my life investigating this one small thing. So that is why people call those with PhD as people who have Permanent Head Damage. They have damaged their brains by studying one small thing for too long. I am also still unsure whether I need to pursue my PhD in America or Australia. Nevertheless, probably it is not a big issue. I will just apply for both the American and Australian scholarships. I can never tell which one will accept me anyway.
Other than that, tomorrow is the last day for our first term at PPB for this year. Finally, this batch comes to an end. For the first time, I think I really enjoyed the classes at PPB. Both my TOEFL and IELTS students are nice and friendly.
Soon, the tiring task of marking the papers begins. I have two heaps of Grammar, one of Binus’ Academic English, and within a very short time, a stack of IELTS writing and Integrated Course papers.
However, this day calls for a celebration; no matter how short the celebration is.
So the moral of the story: Be thankful for every little success. From these little successes, we build the bigger success. One more thing, just like what I always said to Gita, DJ and Wie Vie during high school, "This storm has receded, but there is another one coming this way." (Badai sudah berlalu, tapi ada badai baru.) So don’t let this small success stops you from preparing yourself for the next assignment.
Eventually, have fun and enjoy yourself! I did so by shopping at Senayan earlier this week– not to be followed by anyone who does not want to have empty bank accounts just after one day shopping at Senayan City and Plaza Senayan. :))
Today is indeed one of the happiest days throughout this year for me.
Finally, I finish this translation of "Selling Today: Creating Customer Value". Well, it is not totally completed yet. I still have to edit it and coordinate with Nike, my co-translator, concerning the terms that we use. However, this is a (seemingly) big success that warrants celebration.
After this translation, more work awaits. Starting tomorrow, I have to delve into the world of pragmatics–something that I have not explored for years. My paper is accepted by the organising committee of Atma Jaya’s KOLITA. This is very good actually, since this will be my first time presenting an academic paper in an international forum. However, frankly speaking, I really made up the abstract that I sent to KOLITA. Now, I face the difficult task of writing the ‘made-up’ paper. Well, nothing to be worried about, so many of my colleagues write ‘instant’ papers and got accepted at international conferences. Hopefully, I can follow their footsteps.
Then, I have to write my dissertation proposal. I am still confused whether my dissertation should investigate effective teachers-effective schools or the building of multicultural education in Indonesia. Choosing the topic is really imporant. If I get accepted, I will spend more than 3 years of my life investigating this one small thing. So that is why people call those with PhD as people who have Permanent Head Damage. They have damaged their brains by studying one small thing for too long. I am also still unsure whether I need to pursue my PhD in America or Australia. Nevertheless, probably it is not a big issue. I will just apply for both the American and Australian scholarships. I can never tell which one will accept me anyway.
Other than that, tomorrow is the last day for our first term at PPB for this year. Finally, this batch comes to an end. For the first time, I think I really enjoyed the classes at PPB. Both my TOEFL and IELTS students are nice and friendly.
Soon, the tiring task of marking the papers begins. I have two heaps of Grammar, one of Binus’ Academic English, and within a very short time, a stack of IELTS writing and Integrated Course papers.
However, this day calls for a celebration; no matter how short the celebration is.
So the moral of the story: Be thankful for every little success. From these little successes, we build the bigger success. One more thing, just like what I always said to Gita, DJ and Wie Vie during high school, "This storm has receded, but there is another one coming this way." (Badai sudah berlalu, tapi ada badai baru.) So don’t let this small success stops you from preparing yourself for the next assignment.
Eventually, have fun and enjoy yourself! I did so by shopping at Senayan earlier this week– not to be followed by anyone who does not want to have empty bank accounts just after one day shopping at Senayan City and Plaza Senayan. :))
Being confused is much better than not thinking at all
27 March 2007
Actually, I have nothing to say. However, I prefer to write a blog entry than doing my translation. Goodness, I have been translating this thick marketing book for a very low pay. One thing I promise my self is not to translate any book again for the rest of this year.
I am still confused about many things. Nevertheless, I am fully aware that being confused is much better than feeling complacent or not thinking at all. Thinking utilises our brain so we won’t be idiots in the near future.
I know that something is still missing in my life and I still haven’t come to my harbour. That is why I brave the oceans of unchartered regions to find my harbour. By braving the unchartered regions, again we utilise our brains. However, we don’t want to suffer brain drain. Oh harbour, where art thou? So I won’t suffer from that brain drain.
So the moral of the story: don’t do cheap translation. It is not worth the trouble, hardwork, stress, and so on and so forth. Moreover, it is more interesting to write a blog entry than to translate. Hehehehe
Dear all my students,
This is an example of a very unorganized piece of writing. Do not imitate unless you have become a lecturer :))
Actually, I have nothing to say. However, I prefer to write a blog entry than doing my translation. Goodness, I have been translating this thick marketing book for a very low pay. One thing I promise my self is not to translate any book again for the rest of this year.
I am still confused about many things. Nevertheless, I am fully aware that being confused is much better than feeling complacent or not thinking at all. Thinking utilises our brain so we won’t be idiots in the near future.
I know that something is still missing in my life and I still haven’t come to my harbour. That is why I brave the oceans of unchartered regions to find my harbour. By braving the unchartered regions, again we utilise our brains. However, we don’t want to suffer brain drain. Oh harbour, where art thou? So I won’t suffer from that brain drain.
So the moral of the story: don’t do cheap translation. It is not worth the trouble, hardwork, stress, and so on and so forth. Moreover, it is more interesting to write a blog entry than to translate. Hehehehe
Dear all my students,
This is an example of a very unorganized piece of writing. Do not imitate unless you have become a lecturer :))
The boat would eventually be fine when it reaches the harbour
9 March 2006
At this juncture, I am still plagued with confusion about what I need to do for the rest of my life. Having graduated as the best graduate from the University of Indonesia, I was at that time truly believe that I will have the brightest possible future. However, that has not been the case.
Well, I cannot say that I lead a boring and average life. At 25, I have travelled all around Indonesia and Australia for free, and have had 7 or 8 jobs (I have lost count of my jobs) at different institutions and most of them are prestigious ones. I have chaired a youth commission (though it’s a dying one seemingly) and have had a lot of blessings from leading cell groups both at the church and the campus. Having won a scholarship and graduated with distinction from an Australian leading university, I have lived a seemingly enviable and exciting life. I also had a salary to die for last year.
That is what people may see on the surface, or how I would like to portray myself. Deep down here, my heart is still yelling out loud (or silently to be precise), that I have not come to the right spot.
An ex-flatmate of mine just e-mailed me, and she quoted a Chinese saying, "The boat would eventually be fine when it reaches the harbour." I do hope that my harbour is not that far so eventually this rocky boat of mine will be fine.
Of all the dreams that I have, two major ones are still not accomplished. I still pray that someday I will have the opportunity to do my doctoral research and work at a United Nations’ agency (This last one is a a childhood dream, which may not be a good thing pursue. But, I am still a child at heart hehehehe).
So I need to pray this prayer of faith, "Lord lead me through this uncharted region with my hands in Yours. Even with my eyes closed, I have no doubts as long as you are my pilot. To Your harbour oh Lord, so I will eventually find my peace with You."
At this juncture, I am still plagued with confusion about what I need to do for the rest of my life. Having graduated as the best graduate from the University of Indonesia, I was at that time truly believe that I will have the brightest possible future. However, that has not been the case.
Well, I cannot say that I lead a boring and average life. At 25, I have travelled all around Indonesia and Australia for free, and have had 7 or 8 jobs (I have lost count of my jobs) at different institutions and most of them are prestigious ones. I have chaired a youth commission (though it’s a dying one seemingly) and have had a lot of blessings from leading cell groups both at the church and the campus. Having won a scholarship and graduated with distinction from an Australian leading university, I have lived a seemingly enviable and exciting life. I also had a salary to die for last year.
That is what people may see on the surface, or how I would like to portray myself. Deep down here, my heart is still yelling out loud (or silently to be precise), that I have not come to the right spot.
An ex-flatmate of mine just e-mailed me, and she quoted a Chinese saying, "The boat would eventually be fine when it reaches the harbour." I do hope that my harbour is not that far so eventually this rocky boat of mine will be fine.
Of all the dreams that I have, two major ones are still not accomplished. I still pray that someday I will have the opportunity to do my doctoral research and work at a United Nations’ agency (This last one is a a childhood dream, which may not be a good thing pursue. But, I am still a child at heart hehehehe).
So I need to pray this prayer of faith, "Lord lead me through this uncharted region with my hands in Yours. Even with my eyes closed, I have no doubts as long as you are my pilot. To Your harbour oh Lord, so I will eventually find my peace with You."
On coming back to UI
10 February 2007
I have never been to the University of Indonesia’s Depok Campus since 2004. After three years, I set my foot again in Depok.
Frankly speaking, there are a lot of pleasing development in the Campus. It looks greener now and is much better regulated than it was back in 1999 when I was a freshman. The English Department also has a much better curriculum and the administration seems to be installed. Back in 1999, it was an ‘organised chaos’ or ‘chaotic’ organisation, if I may say so. The advancement of our on-line library is amazing. Now we can access on-line books as well as on-line journals. I even haven’t seen any library that can do that, including UNSW’s and UPH’s libraries.
Well, nevertheless, you always have the sense that the university is still not as advanced as it should be. There are still a lot of things to fix here. We haven’t adopted the global best practice in managing a university, like my Australian lecturer once said.
I still have one major complaint though. Our trains. They are as ugly as ever. There is seemingly no real attempt to improve the conditions of our trains. Luckily, now there are more express-air conditioned trains–the ones I always eagerly anticipate. Nevertheless, our regular trains, oh come on, we live in the twenty first century! It is not the time to put animals on trains along with humans anymore. Goodness.
I have never been to the University of Indonesia’s Depok Campus since 2004. After three years, I set my foot again in Depok.
Frankly speaking, there are a lot of pleasing development in the Campus. It looks greener now and is much better regulated than it was back in 1999 when I was a freshman. The English Department also has a much better curriculum and the administration seems to be installed. Back in 1999, it was an ‘organised chaos’ or ‘chaotic’ organisation, if I may say so. The advancement of our on-line library is amazing. Now we can access on-line books as well as on-line journals. I even haven’t seen any library that can do that, including UNSW’s and UPH’s libraries.
Well, nevertheless, you always have the sense that the university is still not as advanced as it should be. There are still a lot of things to fix here. We haven’t adopted the global best practice in managing a university, like my Australian lecturer once said.
I still have one major complaint though. Our trains. They are as ugly as ever. There is seemingly no real attempt to improve the conditions of our trains. Luckily, now there are more express-air conditioned trains–the ones I always eagerly anticipate. Nevertheless, our regular trains, oh come on, we live in the twenty first century! It is not the time to put animals on trains along with humans anymore. Goodness.
On leaving UPH
9 January 2007
One of my worst decisions was coming to UPH in the first place. I should have prayed more before deciding to move here and I should have talked with more people about the situation of UPH before joining it. Nevertheless, I believe I have learned a lot from being here just for 6 months.
When I reflect upon this time at UPH, I can summarize it as "open doors and closed doors".
There are times when doors are closed for us. We should not open it, no matter how precious the items behind it may look.
There are other times when doors are opened for us. We should not close it. Take the opportunity and deal with it.
UPH is both for me. The door was actually locked, but I said I had to get in and I forced it open. The door was eventually opened. I took the opportunity but I finally decided not to deal with it.
Now, there is another door opened for me. This time, I hope it is not opened because I forced it open. I hope it is opened by the keeper of the door and I can take the opportunity and deal with anything that comes afterward.
One of my worst decisions was coming to UPH in the first place. I should have prayed more before deciding to move here and I should have talked with more people about the situation of UPH before joining it. Nevertheless, I believe I have learned a lot from being here just for 6 months.
When I reflect upon this time at UPH, I can summarize it as "open doors and closed doors".
There are times when doors are closed for us. We should not open it, no matter how precious the items behind it may look.
There are other times when doors are opened for us. We should not close it. Take the opportunity and deal with it.
UPH is both for me. The door was actually locked, but I said I had to get in and I forced it open. The door was eventually opened. I took the opportunity but I finally decided not to deal with it.
Now, there is another door opened for me. This time, I hope it is not opened because I forced it open. I hope it is opened by the keeper of the door and I can take the opportunity and deal with anything that comes afterward.
A sinner of thy own redeeming
8 January 2007
I recently watched a live broadcast from the National Cathedral, Washington, D.C.. It was the Memorial Service for the late Gerald Ford, the 38th President of the United States. Well, I had not been born when he was the president. No comment for his presidential years.
One interesting thing that I noticed was the prayer of the Bishop at the dismissal and blessing for Gerald Ford. He said, "Your servant Gerald…a sinner of Thy own redeeming."
I was perplexed when I heard that strange expression. What does it mean ‘a sinner of Thy own redeeming’?
I think it means that the redemption of Christ is intended to the single sinner, namely Gerald Ford. It is rather strange. Why would Christ die for a single sinner? Well, because I believe when He died on the cross he carried the burden of sins of each and everyone of us, including that one sinner– Gerald Ford. When He was on the cross, He had that name Gerald Ford right in front of His eyes. But actually, not only Ford, but also you and me and everyone else.
So for whom did Christ die? For whom is His redemption? For Gerald Ford, for me, for you, for all of us, because we are all ’sinners of Thy own redeeming’.
I recently watched a live broadcast from the National Cathedral, Washington, D.C.. It was the Memorial Service for the late Gerald Ford, the 38th President of the United States. Well, I had not been born when he was the president. No comment for his presidential years.
One interesting thing that I noticed was the prayer of the Bishop at the dismissal and blessing for Gerald Ford. He said, "Your servant Gerald…a sinner of Thy own redeeming."
I was perplexed when I heard that strange expression. What does it mean ‘a sinner of Thy own redeeming’?
I think it means that the redemption of Christ is intended to the single sinner, namely Gerald Ford. It is rather strange. Why would Christ die for a single sinner? Well, because I believe when He died on the cross he carried the burden of sins of each and everyone of us, including that one sinner– Gerald Ford. When He was on the cross, He had that name Gerald Ford right in front of His eyes. But actually, not only Ford, but also you and me and everyone else.
So for whom did Christ die? For whom is His redemption? For Gerald Ford, for me, for you, for all of us, because we are all ’sinners of Thy own redeeming’.
The Museum is more interesting than ASA :)
26 November 2006
The youths of my congregation, along with some other congregations, have always organized an event called ASA anually. The event is aimed at the kids who live on the streets, known as ‘anak jalanan’ in Indonesian. These kids come from diverse backgrounds. Some come from complete families; some others have no parents. The event is meant to show the church’s attention to these street kids without trying to evangelize them. ASA, Apresiasi Seni Anak, is held anually and filled with fun competitions such as dancing, drawing, and singing for those kids.
Sounds really nice, right? Well, the idea is nice but truly, I don’t like ASA that much. I cannot imagine dealing with those kids. Some are very terrible and I don’t like kids anyway, whether they come from the marginal communities or my own community. (So it does not mean that I don’t have social concerns. I do have social concerns but not that much maybe, hahaha, and especially not to the street kids)
Since I was the chair of the youth commission, I just wanted to show that I cared for the people who had done such a great job organising ASA so I showed up there. But I couldn’t deny myself. I didn’t like ASA. I briefly took a look at the activities and greeted the people and that was it. Mission accomplished.
Next to the ASA’s venue, fortunately there is a museum, called Musem Taman Prasasti. The museum is not in a building; it’s open space. It houses various Dutch tombstones. Some of them are really beautiful. As an avid historian, I of course enjoy visiting a museum more than coming to ASA. As a result, I spent more time at the Museum than at ASA. Well, that was not good actually, because I came there for ASA in the first place. But I had fun at the museum and enjoyed taking pictures around.
The moral of the story: First, just be yourself. It might not be good in other people’s perspective, but you don’t have to lie to yourself and pretend to enjoy something that you don’t enjoy.
Second, at times, certainly we do need to take into account other people’s feeling, and finding the balance between being honest to yourself and respecting people’s feeling is always a tricky one. I hoped I had done the correct thing yesterday. Hopefully.
The youths of my congregation, along with some other congregations, have always organized an event called ASA anually. The event is aimed at the kids who live on the streets, known as ‘anak jalanan’ in Indonesian. These kids come from diverse backgrounds. Some come from complete families; some others have no parents. The event is meant to show the church’s attention to these street kids without trying to evangelize them. ASA, Apresiasi Seni Anak, is held anually and filled with fun competitions such as dancing, drawing, and singing for those kids.
Sounds really nice, right? Well, the idea is nice but truly, I don’t like ASA that much. I cannot imagine dealing with those kids. Some are very terrible and I don’t like kids anyway, whether they come from the marginal communities or my own community. (So it does not mean that I don’t have social concerns. I do have social concerns but not that much maybe, hahaha, and especially not to the street kids)
Since I was the chair of the youth commission, I just wanted to show that I cared for the people who had done such a great job organising ASA so I showed up there. But I couldn’t deny myself. I didn’t like ASA. I briefly took a look at the activities and greeted the people and that was it. Mission accomplished.
Next to the ASA’s venue, fortunately there is a museum, called Musem Taman Prasasti. The museum is not in a building; it’s open space. It houses various Dutch tombstones. Some of them are really beautiful. As an avid historian, I of course enjoy visiting a museum more than coming to ASA. As a result, I spent more time at the Museum than at ASA. Well, that was not good actually, because I came there for ASA in the first place. But I had fun at the museum and enjoyed taking pictures around.
The moral of the story: First, just be yourself. It might not be good in other people’s perspective, but you don’t have to lie to yourself and pretend to enjoy something that you don’t enjoy.
Second, at times, certainly we do need to take into account other people’s feeling, and finding the balance between being honest to yourself and respecting people’s feeling is always a tricky one. I hoped I had done the correct thing yesterday. Hopefully.
Waiting for a taxi, getting a bus instead
23 November 2006
Usually, I go home by both bus and taxi. I take the Lippo Karawaci Bus to Citra Graha and then a taxi from Citra Graha to my home. There are normally a lot of taxis on Gatot Subroto, which is one of the major traffic hubs in Jakarta. So I usually become picky and only choose the reliable ones with the old fare.
Nevertheless, yesterday, I did not manage to get any taxi. The street was already lined with people looking for a taxi. After waiting for more 30 minutes, I believed it was high time to take another mode of transportation. I took the bus.
I knew what to expect in our public buses, but I was still so furious to the way our buses were managed. The bus I took was, like other buses in Jakarta, dirty and crowded. I did not mind because I only paid 2000 IDR. However, in the middle of a traffic jam and in the middle of the road, the bus driver asked all passangers to transfer to another bus, which was already crowded. Oh goodness! Well, at least this bus driver apologized to all of us because he had to transfer us to the other bus. Rarely did a bus driver do that.
Oh Busway in Kuningan, when wilt thou be ready? I am in a desperate need.
And for those who are responsible for our public transporation, aren’t you ashame of it? Look at other cities in other countries. They have reliable and clean buses. I took a bus in the middle of nowhere in Tasmania and still felt safe and comfortable. In Jakarta? Even in Jakarta’s city center we can’t get a decent bus. Oh Jakarta, when wilt thou repent?
Usually, I go home by both bus and taxi. I take the Lippo Karawaci Bus to Citra Graha and then a taxi from Citra Graha to my home. There are normally a lot of taxis on Gatot Subroto, which is one of the major traffic hubs in Jakarta. So I usually become picky and only choose the reliable ones with the old fare.
Nevertheless, yesterday, I did not manage to get any taxi. The street was already lined with people looking for a taxi. After waiting for more 30 minutes, I believed it was high time to take another mode of transportation. I took the bus.
I knew what to expect in our public buses, but I was still so furious to the way our buses were managed. The bus I took was, like other buses in Jakarta, dirty and crowded. I did not mind because I only paid 2000 IDR. However, in the middle of a traffic jam and in the middle of the road, the bus driver asked all passangers to transfer to another bus, which was already crowded. Oh goodness! Well, at least this bus driver apologized to all of us because he had to transfer us to the other bus. Rarely did a bus driver do that.
Oh Busway in Kuningan, when wilt thou be ready? I am in a desperate need.
And for those who are responsible for our public transporation, aren’t you ashame of it? Look at other cities in other countries. They have reliable and clean buses. I took a bus in the middle of nowhere in Tasmania and still felt safe and comfortable. In Jakarta? Even in Jakarta’s city center we can’t get a decent bus. Oh Jakarta, when wilt thou repent?
Why do I eat at home?
This can be one of the questions that people ask whenever I go home quickly for having lunch or dinner.
Well, there is a very simple explanation for that. I respect the person who cooks the food at home. Sometimes, the food may be undelicious, but it does not matter. I eat simply because I want to show my respect. My grandma cooks everyday since she was 13, now she has been cooking for 60 years. Can you imagine? If I don’t eat, it might ruin her heart.
Of course, people can argue, Agus, you can show your respect by doing something else. Say, communicating with her more frequently, or buying gifts, etc. Yes, that is undeniably true. But, this is the way I want to show respect. Besides, my siblings rarely eat at home. Just by being there during lunch time and dinner time, I believe I show that I care for her. Certainly, it does not mean that communication is not necessary.
But the little things that we do sometimes mean more than all the words we can say. What do you think?
Well, there is a very simple explanation for that. I respect the person who cooks the food at home. Sometimes, the food may be undelicious, but it does not matter. I eat simply because I want to show my respect. My grandma cooks everyday since she was 13, now she has been cooking for 60 years. Can you imagine? If I don’t eat, it might ruin her heart.
Of course, people can argue, Agus, you can show your respect by doing something else. Say, communicating with her more frequently, or buying gifts, etc. Yes, that is undeniably true. But, this is the way I want to show respect. Besides, my siblings rarely eat at home. Just by being there during lunch time and dinner time, I believe I show that I care for her. Certainly, it does not mean that communication is not necessary.
But the little things that we do sometimes mean more than all the words we can say. What do you think?
Being a leader
14 November 2009
When I studied leadership during my Masters course, my lecturer advised all of us not to take a leadership role if we do not want to do some of the difficult stuff that comes with the position.
Frankly, I don’t like being a leader. But since there was no one willing and qualified to be the chair of our KP, I have to. After almost 9 months in this position, I still feel that this position is not for me. I don’t really like it. I even don’t like my KP that much. So it becomes really difficult to lead an organisation that I don’t like. But I have to. Three or four months from now, it will be possible for me to step down as long as I can find the person who is willing to replace me. That might be even a tougher job than keeping the position itself.
I have asked my friends (on-line ones) whether I should resign or not. Most of them gave the same advice. "Look at Moses, Timothy, and other biblical heroes". They were not born as leaders but they eventually became good leaders. Well, I am not them for sure. But one of my friends said that the best leaders are those who believe that they are not leaders because the true leader is God. Consequently, those good leaders submit themselves fully to God and ask God to be present in their daily leadership roles. A good way of looking at leadership, I believe.
Well, I will definitely ask people to evaluate my leadership and if the results are bad, I will be more than happy to resign. But before that happens, I have to do this part well. And you know, I learn a lot from just being a leader of a small community. This experience turns out to be not that bad at all.
So, the moral of the story: life is a journey and sometimes it takes us to rather unpleasant spots. But, we can always learn something from that journey. The journey itself is worthwhile.
When I studied leadership during my Masters course, my lecturer advised all of us not to take a leadership role if we do not want to do some of the difficult stuff that comes with the position.
Frankly, I don’t like being a leader. But since there was no one willing and qualified to be the chair of our KP, I have to. After almost 9 months in this position, I still feel that this position is not for me. I don’t really like it. I even don’t like my KP that much. So it becomes really difficult to lead an organisation that I don’t like. But I have to. Three or four months from now, it will be possible for me to step down as long as I can find the person who is willing to replace me. That might be even a tougher job than keeping the position itself.
I have asked my friends (on-line ones) whether I should resign or not. Most of them gave the same advice. "Look at Moses, Timothy, and other biblical heroes". They were not born as leaders but they eventually became good leaders. Well, I am not them for sure. But one of my friends said that the best leaders are those who believe that they are not leaders because the true leader is God. Consequently, those good leaders submit themselves fully to God and ask God to be present in their daily leadership roles. A good way of looking at leadership, I believe.
Well, I will definitely ask people to evaluate my leadership and if the results are bad, I will be more than happy to resign. But before that happens, I have to do this part well. And you know, I learn a lot from just being a leader of a small community. This experience turns out to be not that bad at all.
So, the moral of the story: life is a journey and sometimes it takes us to rather unpleasant spots. But, we can always learn something from that journey. The journey itself is worthwhile.
Not in the mood for anything– A revelation from Ully
9 November 2006
I have just learned that whenever I update my blog, everyone on my friendster list will get e-mail notifying them about that. This is bad. I didn’t mean to do that. It can disturbing for some people. Let’s imagine that you are a busy person. You don’t have time to relax that much and by the time you open your e-mail account, there are three notifications from me that I have updated my blog. How annoyed will you be? So sorry if you are annoyed.So I have to lessen the entries in this blog and find a way to stop that from happening again.
But lately, I am not in the mood for anything. I was not in the mood for teaching yesterday, writing on the blog, and not in the mood of doing anything other than doing nothing. Maybe, I am already drained and exhausted. Need a break.
Unluckily, I don’t have much time. I work 8 hours a day Monday-Friday, teach 4 hours in Saturdays and spend 3 hours in Sundays at the church for doing the administrative stuff along with worshipping. Maybe, I need to really make a priority list, which things are really necessary and which things I have to abandon.
Today, I saw Lia’s profile on friendster. She has a picture of herself in Rome. So nice! I wish I could be in Rome. Perhaps, it is high time for me to pursue a PhD like Lia does. She ends up joining a conference in Rome. For free! Her school pays for that. How lovely! Today I think I also get the assurance that I do not get the Chevening Awards. It is already the 10th of November and there is no notification about the result of my application yet, while it was written in the website that all successful candidates would be notified by November. No notification. Bad omen. There goes my dream of going to London for free for a year. On the brighter side, I got this revelation from Ully–a teacher at PPB who was my first partner in teaching. She said that she would not give another masters scholarship for a person like me. Why would any agency spend more money on someone who has been overseas and has done a master? She would consider me for a PhD, though. Well, that’s it. I’m not gonna waste my time on an attempt to get another master anymore. PhD, here I come.
I have just learned that whenever I update my blog, everyone on my friendster list will get e-mail notifying them about that. This is bad. I didn’t mean to do that. It can disturbing for some people. Let’s imagine that you are a busy person. You don’t have time to relax that much and by the time you open your e-mail account, there are three notifications from me that I have updated my blog. How annoyed will you be? So sorry if you are annoyed.So I have to lessen the entries in this blog and find a way to stop that from happening again.
But lately, I am not in the mood for anything. I was not in the mood for teaching yesterday, writing on the blog, and not in the mood of doing anything other than doing nothing. Maybe, I am already drained and exhausted. Need a break.
Unluckily, I don’t have much time. I work 8 hours a day Monday-Friday, teach 4 hours in Saturdays and spend 3 hours in Sundays at the church for doing the administrative stuff along with worshipping. Maybe, I need to really make a priority list, which things are really necessary and which things I have to abandon.
Today, I saw Lia’s profile on friendster. She has a picture of herself in Rome. So nice! I wish I could be in Rome. Perhaps, it is high time for me to pursue a PhD like Lia does. She ends up joining a conference in Rome. For free! Her school pays for that. How lovely! Today I think I also get the assurance that I do not get the Chevening Awards. It is already the 10th of November and there is no notification about the result of my application yet, while it was written in the website that all successful candidates would be notified by November. No notification. Bad omen. There goes my dream of going to London for free for a year. On the brighter side, I got this revelation from Ully–a teacher at PPB who was my first partner in teaching. She said that she would not give another masters scholarship for a person like me. Why would any agency spend more money on someone who has been overseas and has done a master? She would consider me for a PhD, though. Well, that’s it. I’m not gonna waste my time on an attempt to get another master anymore. PhD, here I come.
Organ
7 November 2006
I’ve decided to play the organ again. After deciding to totally quit in 2004, I tried to play again. I have decided that I need to improve some techniques that I haven’t mastered so there is a new purpose of playing it. I used to play the organ every Thursday in the church. But that was history and there is serious intention of coming back to music ministry. But now there is a new problem. I have sore hands and fingers due to practicing the organ again. Well, there is a price for everything.
The moral of the story? No pain, no gain.
I’ve decided to play the organ again. After deciding to totally quit in 2004, I tried to play again. I have decided that I need to improve some techniques that I haven’t mastered so there is a new purpose of playing it. I used to play the organ every Thursday in the church. But that was history and there is serious intention of coming back to music ministry. But now there is a new problem. I have sore hands and fingers due to practicing the organ again. Well, there is a price for everything.
The moral of the story? No pain, no gain.
Salvation should be free
7 November 2006
After teaching the management students for some time, I realize one important thing about salvation according to Christian faith.
In the class we have regulations that we have to follow. I repeteadly say to my students that if you come late more than 15 minutes, you will be considered absent. I also say that if you don’t bring your book, don’t bother coming into the class.
However, as the time goes, sometimes I let the students come late more than 15 minutes, because there is rain or other consideration. I also give opportunity for those who forget their books to come to the class as long as they make copies at the beginning of the lesson. Eventually, all students ask for the same treatment. (I still of course consider those who are really late as absent– no compromise here). So eventually, it is difficult to have a compasion-based regulation. It is either you bring the book or else you cannot come to the class. However, what I usually do is the opposite. I extend the compassion to all. No matter you bring the book or not, as long as you come on time, you can come in.
I start to think that God also does the same (to a certain degree). He cannot be compasionate just for some and then be angry with some others. It is highly unfair. Moreover, is it really possible that we be very good as God requires us to do? To some extent, we are all disappointments to God. Just like all the management students are disappointments for me. For that reason, no one actually deserves God’s compassion. But God through Jesus Christ makes all of us deserve God’s compassion. He did the total opposite. Instead of sending everyone to hell, He’s going to save all. So that everyone can come to Him without having to do any good deeds as long as you trust Him. That’s it, nothing else required.
Now mind you, I still feel unhappy with the management students. But luckily God doesn’t do so with us.
After teaching the management students for some time, I realize one important thing about salvation according to Christian faith.
In the class we have regulations that we have to follow. I repeteadly say to my students that if you come late more than 15 minutes, you will be considered absent. I also say that if you don’t bring your book, don’t bother coming into the class.
However, as the time goes, sometimes I let the students come late more than 15 minutes, because there is rain or other consideration. I also give opportunity for those who forget their books to come to the class as long as they make copies at the beginning of the lesson. Eventually, all students ask for the same treatment. (I still of course consider those who are really late as absent– no compromise here). So eventually, it is difficult to have a compasion-based regulation. It is either you bring the book or else you cannot come to the class. However, what I usually do is the opposite. I extend the compassion to all. No matter you bring the book or not, as long as you come on time, you can come in.
I start to think that God also does the same (to a certain degree). He cannot be compasionate just for some and then be angry with some others. It is highly unfair. Moreover, is it really possible that we be very good as God requires us to do? To some extent, we are all disappointments to God. Just like all the management students are disappointments for me. For that reason, no one actually deserves God’s compassion. But God through Jesus Christ makes all of us deserve God’s compassion. He did the total opposite. Instead of sending everyone to hell, He’s going to save all. So that everyone can come to Him without having to do any good deeds as long as you trust Him. That’s it, nothing else required.
Now mind you, I still feel unhappy with the management students. But luckily God doesn’t do so with us.
On a lighter note
6 November 2006
After having really long and serious posts, I will write something simpler and certainly shorter.
Yesterday, I was reminded that there would be a presentation by Vmr team on Saturday. Ko Gunawan has repeteadly sent me sms to announce that on Sunday. But, I forget. Don’t remember at all until yesterday.
I have to realize that I am a forgetful person. Next time, I will write down and use my reminder to remind myself.
Now, I have to send sms to many people to announce that. Aduh.
After having really long and serious posts, I will write something simpler and certainly shorter.
Yesterday, I was reminded that there would be a presentation by Vmr team on Saturday. Ko Gunawan has repeteadly sent me sms to announce that on Sunday. But, I forget. Don’t remember at all until yesterday.
I have to realize that I am a forgetful person. Next time, I will write down and use my reminder to remind myself.
Now, I have to send sms to many people to announce that. Aduh.
Extremists nonetheless
6 November 2006
This is just an idea. You may agree or disagree. If you are a member of GKI, you may share the same concern about our church.
I was rather disappointed to learn that the last General Assembly of the GKI has decided to make the selection process for our future ministers limited exclusively to graduates of STT Jakarta, UKDW and UKSW. Well, not really exclusively, but it is gonna be very difficult for graduates of other seminaries to enter the ministry at GKI. (Please correct me if I am mistaken here. I got the info from a website.) The official papers of the GA certainly didn’t reach the hand of the chair of a Komisi Pemuda at a local congregation such as myself.
Ain’t that pathetic? If we claim that our church is ecumenical and moderate, why do we close our doors for the evangelicals and graduates of other seminaries, and only open our doors for the ones fully supported by GKI such as STTJ and UKDW? If we are truly ecumenical and moderate, we will be happy to accept anyone who is committed to the ministry, teachings and cause of the church, won’t we? If we are to be an excellent church, don’t we suppose to accept only the best candidates, no matter what their seminaries are?
I am afraid that the church is being taken over by the fundamentalists. Not the kind of fundamentalists who emphasize the inerrancy of the Bible, like the common ones, but the liberal fundamentalists. Well, maybe they are better known as the liberal radicals. These people are just as dangerous as the normal fundamentalists, for they only see their own way and teachings to be the best.
A famous lecturer and pastor of GKI, once in the seminary’s website, made statements claiming that those fundamentalists were stupid, knew nothing of good logic, rejected the "best" way of interpreting the scriptures. He also seemingly claimed that his understanding of God and the Bible, which was very liberal, was the best way and others who disagree seemed to be less of a Christian. This is scarry, right? What’s his difference from those fundamentalists? They are both extremists. One stood at the left extreme and the other stood at the right extreme, extremists nonetheless.
Moreover, this decision, I believe, does not respect the historical and doctrinal differences in the body of GKI. Anyone who reads the history well should understand that GKI was made up of different congregations, in terms of language, teaching, polity, and structure. The preamble into the new Church Constitution I think clearly reiterates GKI’s commitment to protecting such differences. A decision to ban a minister coming from the rather evangelical seminaries will put an end to those differences.
For those reasons, I support some congregations that are seeking to revoke the General Assembly’s decision. To accept such decision will mean putting the end to their unique way of life as a church. I cannot imagine if I am forced to abandon my way of life. Therefore, I can sympathize with them. This decision, I think, will jeopardize the church’s unity rather than doing good to the church.
Does anyone agree with my ideas?
Well, this is such a heavy topic. But lives are not just haha hihi, right? That includes the life of a church.
This is just an idea. You may agree or disagree. If you are a member of GKI, you may share the same concern about our church.
I was rather disappointed to learn that the last General Assembly of the GKI has decided to make the selection process for our future ministers limited exclusively to graduates of STT Jakarta, UKDW and UKSW. Well, not really exclusively, but it is gonna be very difficult for graduates of other seminaries to enter the ministry at GKI. (Please correct me if I am mistaken here. I got the info from a website.) The official papers of the GA certainly didn’t reach the hand of the chair of a Komisi Pemuda at a local congregation such as myself.
Ain’t that pathetic? If we claim that our church is ecumenical and moderate, why do we close our doors for the evangelicals and graduates of other seminaries, and only open our doors for the ones fully supported by GKI such as STTJ and UKDW? If we are truly ecumenical and moderate, we will be happy to accept anyone who is committed to the ministry, teachings and cause of the church, won’t we? If we are to be an excellent church, don’t we suppose to accept only the best candidates, no matter what their seminaries are?
I am afraid that the church is being taken over by the fundamentalists. Not the kind of fundamentalists who emphasize the inerrancy of the Bible, like the common ones, but the liberal fundamentalists. Well, maybe they are better known as the liberal radicals. These people are just as dangerous as the normal fundamentalists, for they only see their own way and teachings to be the best.
A famous lecturer and pastor of GKI, once in the seminary’s website, made statements claiming that those fundamentalists were stupid, knew nothing of good logic, rejected the "best" way of interpreting the scriptures. He also seemingly claimed that his understanding of God and the Bible, which was very liberal, was the best way and others who disagree seemed to be less of a Christian. This is scarry, right? What’s his difference from those fundamentalists? They are both extremists. One stood at the left extreme and the other stood at the right extreme, extremists nonetheless.
Moreover, this decision, I believe, does not respect the historical and doctrinal differences in the body of GKI. Anyone who reads the history well should understand that GKI was made up of different congregations, in terms of language, teaching, polity, and structure. The preamble into the new Church Constitution I think clearly reiterates GKI’s commitment to protecting such differences. A decision to ban a minister coming from the rather evangelical seminaries will put an end to those differences.
For those reasons, I support some congregations that are seeking to revoke the General Assembly’s decision. To accept such decision will mean putting the end to their unique way of life as a church. I cannot imagine if I am forced to abandon my way of life. Therefore, I can sympathize with them. This decision, I think, will jeopardize the church’s unity rather than doing good to the church.
Does anyone agree with my ideas?
Well, this is such a heavy topic. But lives are not just haha hihi, right? That includes the life of a church.
Classroom management workshop
5 November 2006
I have been attending this workshop for teachers at PPB UI. Since I work part-time there, like everyone else in PPB, I can attend the workshop for free. The presenter is Heather Linville. She is an English Language Fellow from the US Embassy and she has been assigned to UI.
In the first workshop, we talked about seating arrangements. I found the workshop was very interesting and the ideas seemed to be worthwhile doing. Thus, I tried to have a different seating arrangement for my smallest classes. I have to say, it works quite well.
The second workshop is about affective considerations in a classroom. This is a very important topic. UPH is certainly full of students who have bad emotions in the class–most prevalent of all, being lazy. So Heather suggested some ideas as well as providing good theoretical basis for some of those ideas. But her ideas seemed to be very positive–too positive I might say. I think besides motivating the students and giving positive reinforcement, we also need to have negative reinforcement. (Well, if you didn’t do psychology or education when you are in college, it’s gonna be difficult to understand positive and negative reinforcement). I agree that the students should feel happy in the classroom, but not at the expense of my happiness. For this reason, we need to apply some discipline in the classroom, otherwise the students will come late, forget their homework, forget their textbook, etc. Well, if we tolerate them, they will certainly feel happy, but I am not happy with that.
Other than that, she suggests that ’success breeds success’. The implication is that we need to give something rather easy during the first meetings so that the students feel successful in their studies. After that, we can give something more difficult with the hope that the first success will breed more success.
Well, having been a student at top schools and good universities, I have to say that I did not have that experience. Rarely, I entered a classroom and said to myself, ‘this is a piece of cake and I feel successful’. My classes are pain in the neck. The first thing I say usually, "Lord, help me in this impossible-to-succeed class." But, I came out allright. I really worked hard for many classes but the hardwork usually paid off. And once I learn that hardwork is really the best way to succeed, I will work even harder to be even more successful. Thus, the success-breeds-success cycle is continuously perpetuated in me (hopefully).
So, want to have good grades? There is no easy way, I would say. You have to work hard. Your teachers may give you easier assignments to make you feel OK, but the world out there is cruel. It does not reward the lazy.
A good teacher, I assume, brings their students to the reality of life, and it’s a nasty life out there.
PS: Heather, you have done a good job. For all PPB teachers, it’s worthwhile to join the workshop.
I have been attending this workshop for teachers at PPB UI. Since I work part-time there, like everyone else in PPB, I can attend the workshop for free. The presenter is Heather Linville. She is an English Language Fellow from the US Embassy and she has been assigned to UI.
In the first workshop, we talked about seating arrangements. I found the workshop was very interesting and the ideas seemed to be worthwhile doing. Thus, I tried to have a different seating arrangement for my smallest classes. I have to say, it works quite well.
The second workshop is about affective considerations in a classroom. This is a very important topic. UPH is certainly full of students who have bad emotions in the class–most prevalent of all, being lazy. So Heather suggested some ideas as well as providing good theoretical basis for some of those ideas. But her ideas seemed to be very positive–too positive I might say. I think besides motivating the students and giving positive reinforcement, we also need to have negative reinforcement. (Well, if you didn’t do psychology or education when you are in college, it’s gonna be difficult to understand positive and negative reinforcement). I agree that the students should feel happy in the classroom, but not at the expense of my happiness. For this reason, we need to apply some discipline in the classroom, otherwise the students will come late, forget their homework, forget their textbook, etc. Well, if we tolerate them, they will certainly feel happy, but I am not happy with that.
Other than that, she suggests that ’success breeds success’. The implication is that we need to give something rather easy during the first meetings so that the students feel successful in their studies. After that, we can give something more difficult with the hope that the first success will breed more success.
Well, having been a student at top schools and good universities, I have to say that I did not have that experience. Rarely, I entered a classroom and said to myself, ‘this is a piece of cake and I feel successful’. My classes are pain in the neck. The first thing I say usually, "Lord, help me in this impossible-to-succeed class." But, I came out allright. I really worked hard for many classes but the hardwork usually paid off. And once I learn that hardwork is really the best way to succeed, I will work even harder to be even more successful. Thus, the success-breeds-success cycle is continuously perpetuated in me (hopefully).
So, want to have good grades? There is no easy way, I would say. You have to work hard. Your teachers may give you easier assignments to make you feel OK, but the world out there is cruel. It does not reward the lazy.
A good teacher, I assume, brings their students to the reality of life, and it’s a nasty life out there.
PS: Heather, you have done a good job. For all PPB teachers, it’s worthwhile to join the workshop.
Divided mind, undivided heart
31 October 2006
Sounds like a cool title, doesn’t it?
I am always confused by something. Being very analytical is truly a nightmare. I am mostly confused about what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to be a professor someday and I want to have my PhD. But I still don’t know where I want to teach. I also want to work for UNESCO someday. Of course, all of these options have their own negative and positive sides. The problem is that I am aware of all of these at the same time. Some people I think are blessed since they do not have the capability of thinking about such problems. They just continue their lives as they are. They do not think. But not me. I always think.
So this is my prayer:
Lord, I may have divided mind. I still haven’t made up my mind about what I want to do in the future. But Lord, give me this. Give me an undivided heart to follow you more nearly, to see you more clearly, and to love you more dearly day by day. Some day things are going to be clearer, and all I need is an undivided heart for You.
Amen
Sounds like a cool title, doesn’t it?
I am always confused by something. Being very analytical is truly a nightmare. I am mostly confused about what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to be a professor someday and I want to have my PhD. But I still don’t know where I want to teach. I also want to work for UNESCO someday. Of course, all of these options have their own negative and positive sides. The problem is that I am aware of all of these at the same time. Some people I think are blessed since they do not have the capability of thinking about such problems. They just continue their lives as they are. They do not think. But not me. I always think.
So this is my prayer:
Lord, I may have divided mind. I still haven’t made up my mind about what I want to do in the future. But Lord, give me this. Give me an undivided heart to follow you more nearly, to see you more clearly, and to love you more dearly day by day. Some day things are going to be clearer, and all I need is an undivided heart for You.
Amen
Because of an orange
31 October 2006
Yesterday, I supposed to attend a meeting at church. I was already ready about 15 minutes before the meeting started. However, I decided to eat an orange. After I finished eating my orange, it began to rain and it rained hard for more than an hour. So I couldn’t go to the church.
This is bad. I have missed 2 meetings so far and I have done my homework–preparing the KPI for KP.
The moral of the story: Don’t eat an orange when you already have an appointment. Hehehehe
Yesterday, I supposed to attend a meeting at church. I was already ready about 15 minutes before the meeting started. However, I decided to eat an orange. After I finished eating my orange, it began to rain and it rained hard for more than an hour. So I couldn’t go to the church.
This is bad. I have missed 2 meetings so far and I have done my homework–preparing the KPI for KP.
The moral of the story: Don’t eat an orange when you already have an appointment. Hehehehe
First Edition
29 October 2006
Well, finally I create my own blog.
The purpose of this blog is not yet determined, so is with the content.
Despite having 6 more chapters to write for my modules, I still prefer to write for a blog.
Being narcisstic and self-centered, I cannot help myself from doing so.
So wait for my next entries.
Well, finally I create my own blog.
The purpose of this blog is not yet determined, so is with the content.
Despite having 6 more chapters to write for my modules, I still prefer to write for a blog.
Being narcisstic and self-centered, I cannot help myself from doing so.
So wait for my next entries.
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