Nine years on

17 September 2008
I have had my driving license for nine years. Miserably, I still have problems driving my car. I could buy the car, but I can’t really drive it. Well, not that I cannot drive it, I just can’t park it :D. That is even more hilarious probably.
I have noticed that in my entire history, I have been avoiding challenges about my skills. For instance, since I felt I was not really good in riding a bicycle, I decided not to ride a bicycle at all. There was nothing to lose. There were people that I could rely on to take me to different far-away places. When I felt swimming was difficult, I stopped swimming altogether. Finally, since math caused so much stress, I decided to study literature. I have been trying to protect my self esteem by avoiding difficult things that will make me look ridiculous in front of other people. This pattern of behavior has done me bad than good.
If you learn the Goal Setting Theory from Locke and Latham, you know that what I have been doing is called lowering the expectation. I decided to lower my expectation and eventually avoiding the goal at all. I seriously think I cannot do this any longer. Having forced myself to live alone in Sydney and doing all sorts of things as an individual, I suppose forcing myself to learn to drive and park a car is just a piece of cake. Well, the reality seemingly says the opposite.
Now I languish on forcing myself to drive the car as it is totally ridiculous to have a car but not to drive it. But this harsh act on my self-confidence and self-image, I believe is good for myself. Moreover, I must set a goal to achieve. I must say to myself by early next year, I will be able to drive on my own. We’ll think about the parking for the mid of next year. But this is a necessary goal. If I don’t have any specific goal, I will not be able to achieve anything, based on Goal Setting Theory.
So, I’ll risk embarrassment and ridicule. That’s fine, as long as eventually I can achieve this goal. That is another commitment.
Other than that, life has come to a long plateau. This is a blessing rather than a curse. Well, that’s at least how I want to and should view it. There are small achievements here and there–reasons to be thankful all the time. There is a great sense of achievement about what I have been doing in the church, i.e. my KTB cell group. “The Lord is good and His mercy endures forever.”