The boat would eventually be fine when it reaches the harbour

9 March 2006

At this juncture, I am still plagued with confusion about what I need to do for the rest of my life. Having graduated as the best graduate from the University of Indonesia, I was at that time truly believe that I will have the brightest possible future. However, that has not been the case.
Well, I cannot say that I lead a boring and average life. At 25, I have travelled all around Indonesia and Australia for free, and have had 7 or 8 jobs (I have lost count of my jobs) at different institutions and most of them are prestigious ones. I have chaired a youth commission (though it’s a dying one seemingly) and have had a lot of blessings from leading cell groups both at the church and the campus. Having won a scholarship and graduated with distinction from an Australian leading university, I have lived a seemingly enviable and exciting life. I also had a salary to die for last year.
That is what people may see on the surface, or how I would like to portray myself. Deep down here, my heart is still yelling out loud (or silently to be precise), that I have not come to the right spot.
An ex-flatmate of mine just e-mailed me, and she quoted a Chinese saying, "The boat would eventually be fine when it reaches the harbour." I do hope that my harbour is not that far so eventually this rocky boat of mine will be fine.
Of all the dreams that I have, two major ones are still not accomplished. I still pray that someday I will have the opportunity to do my doctoral research and work at a United Nations’ agency (This last one is a a childhood dream, which may not be a good thing pursue. But, I am still a child at heart hehehehe).
So I need to pray this prayer of faith, "Lord lead me through this uncharted region with my hands in Yours. Even with my eyes closed, I have no doubts as long as you are my pilot. To Your harbour oh Lord, so I will eventually find my peace with You."