On leaving Brisbane

This is an entry from February 5, 2014. It was the entry 'protested' by Josephine. However, this was the most apt description and reflection of the Brisbane and PhD experience.

For the last 3.5 years, my complaint is the same: I hate Brisbane and I can’t wait to leave it for good.

Now the day has been set for my permanent departure from Brisbane. I am happy that I will leave Brisbane, but I am not very happy that this departure does not take me back to Jakarta (yet).

When I left Jakarta on 30 June 2010, I was kind of relieved. My Jakarta house was crowded as my niece who was barely 1 year old stayed with us along with her parents. My parents took the room next to mine. It was chaos for me. I lost my privacy and quietness. I was also disturbed with the constant reminder of the need to get married. I was not really up for it back then.

When I arrived in Brisbane, I was immediately disappointed. It was just too village-like compared to Jakarta. The only consolation was that at that time I thought QUT was a good place to do the PhD and I lived at a nice and quiet house in Alderley. I also had a stable church community at Emmanuel UC.

As the days turned and the years passed in Brisbane, I grew more disappointed with QUT (to the point of no return to loving it anymore) and had to move several houses around the city. There were the days when this PhD seemed doomed and I totally could not understand why I had to endure 9 months of just revising a chapter (and eventually wrote the next two chapters in just one month only to achieve the same praise from my final seminar panel). In that way, Brisbane has been deeply linked to the pain of my PhD and the solitary journey of writing endless versions of the same chapter. I hate Brisbane as I hate my PhD and the university.

The permanent and consoling parts of life in Brisbane were my Alderley land lady who saved me from many troubles, the Emmanuel UC community where I drew strength to keep on moving, and the B 333 office where I spent countless hours of working (and chatting with best friends across the globe—they are my true saviours from deep depression).

These three constant elements of life for the last 3.5 years in Brisbane are starting to disappear. My office has been no longer mine since the last two weeks—I was kicked out after a week of submitting my thesis to external examiners. I had coffee with my PhD friends to mark the end of my office days at QUT. I said my farewell to my Alderley land lady last Sunday—believing that we’ll be in touch and meet again someday. I am going to let go the church community on Saturday just minutes before I depart for Sunshine Coast.

Will I enjoy life up the Coast? Will I loathe it with the same vehemence as Brisbane? Will I find those constant and consoling life elements there? I truly can’t tell. What I do know is that I am glad that one chapter of life in Brisbane is coming to a close and that a new one is all for me to write over.

I remember one particularly dark night when I was in a car with my Alderley land lady travelling from Indooroopilly back to Alderley on the first month of living in Brisbane. I thought I was in the middle of nowhere and how strange and rural Queensland seemed to me. It suddenly reminded me of the hymn, ‘Wat de toekomst brengen moge’ or ‘Tersembunyi ujung jalan’. You can find the lyrics in one of my earlier notes.

Now as I leave for Sunshine Coast and reflect back on life in Brisbane, I have found this other one to help me appreciate life in Brisbane no matter how bitter it was and to put my faith in God for the life in Sunshine Coast no matter how it turns out. Both the English and Indonesian versions are translation from Rodigast’s German lyrics.

1. What God ordains is always good;
His will abideth holy.
As He directs my life for me,
I follow meek and lowly.
God indeed in every need
Doth well know how to shield me;
To Him, then, I will yield me.

1. Yang diperbuat Allahku, kebaikan semuanya. RancanganNya tetap teguh; ‘ku berserah padaNya. Tuhankulah selamanya yang ingin kuandalkan: padaNya aku aman.       
2. What God ordains is always good.
He never will deceive me;
He leads me in His own right way,
And never will He leave me.
I take content What He hath sent;
His hand that sends me sadness
Will turn my tears to gladness.

2. Yang diperbuat Allahku tak usah kuragukan dan jalan lurus kutempuh berkat pimpinan Tuhan. Anugerah dan kasihNya pedoman di bahaya: hidupku di tanganNya.
                 
3. What God ordains is always good.
His loving thought attends me;
No poison can be in the cup
That my Physician sends me.
My God is true; Each morn anew
I'll trust His grace unending,
My life to Him commending.

3. Yang diperbuat Allahku dengan pengasuhanNya membuat jiwaku sembuh: tepat pengobatanNya. Mujarablah nasihatNya: aku percaya Dia, Tabibku yang setia.
             
4. What God ordains is always good.
He is my Friend and Father;
He suffers naught to do me harm,
Though many storms may gather.
Now I may know Both joy and woe,
Some day I shall see clearly
That He hath loved me dearly.

4. Yang diperbuat Allahku tak sungkan kuterima; tetap di marabaya pun Terang hidupku Dia. Di waktuNya ternyatalah betapa mengagumkan tujuan kasih Tuhan.
                  
5. What God ordains is always good.
Though I the cup am drinking
Which savors now of bitterness,
I take it without shrinking.
For after grief God grants relief,
My heart with comfort filling
And all my sorrow stilling.

5. Yang diperbuat Allahku mengubah kepahitan, sehingga cawan duka pun mengandung kemanisan dan akhirnya bahagia mengisi lubuk hati; resah pun tiada lagi.
                
6. What God ordains is always good.
This truth remains unshaken.
Though sorrow, need, or death be mine,
I shall not be forsaken.
I fear no harm, For with His arm
He shall embrace and shield me;
So to my God I yield me.

6. Yang diperbuat Allahku peganganku abadi; bencana, maut, kemelut tak risau kuhadapi: terasalah rangkulanNya tempat hatiku aman, kuasaNya kuandalkan.

A more modern rendition in English can be heard here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MyoIPjE6dMM